Your parents can teach you a lot about marriage – mainly, what it takes to stay together. Most of your relationship skills were probably adapted right from your parents, for better or for worse. If your Jewish parents are together and happy, I can say with full confidence that learning from what they do or don’t do as a married couple can help you once you’ve decided to get hitched. Marriage truly takes two to tango, and so both of you have to follow the dance. If your parents are still managing to cha-cha after all these years, they must be on to something!
Lesson 1: Fight Fair
Do your parents fight fairly? How do they speak to each other? Do they viciously attack, or do they debate? Are they able to be respectful? Does one back down in certain circumstances? When do they compromise?
Watching how your parent’s fight will teach you how to successfully argue with your mate if your Jewish parents are able to argue while being respectful. If you see two independent but loving adults able to quarrel without tearing at each other, this shows you that fighting can be healthy rather than toxic.
Lesson 2: Uphold Traditions
How do your parents uphold traditions and religious practices? How much do they value these things? Is worship important to both parents, or more to one, or perhaps neither? How your parents uphold traditions together or apart will show you how a marriage can truly work for the best.
If your parents share similar needs when it comes to maintaining traditions and religion, or if they are able to respect their spouse’s differing needs, this is a huge positive for you. When you approach marriage, you will either pick someone with similar views in terms of tradition and worship, or you will be able to respect someone whose needs differ from yours. This makes you a flexible and good partner.
Lesson 3: Family Priorities
Do your Jewish parents make helping, seeing and being close to the immediate and extended family a priority? Growing up with parents who do so means you are made with strong family values. This will definitely factor into how you value being part of a family in your own marriage. You will most likely choose someone whose family priorities are also high. Two parents who make time for family members, no matter how distant in relation, show you how crucial the family is towards having a happy life and family of your own!
Lesson 4: Honor Differences
Your Jewish parents are most likely not cookie-cutter versions of each other. Your parents, if happily married, have learned how to honor the differences between them. They both understand that neither of them will always agree or like every single thing about the other, but that they respect the person’s right to feel otherwise.
Your Jewish parents are teaching you that you don’t have to agree or be exactly like your partner in order to be happy together. Instead, you have to honor the differences and see the value in what the other partner has to offer.
Lesson 5: Have Fun Together
Do your parents do things together still? Does your one parent suffer through something he or she doesn’t like in order to make the other parent happy? These are the things that make a marriage work over time. People who have fun together, stay together. Keep that in mind!
Lesson 6: Support Each Other
If your Jewish parents support the other’s hobby, dream or goals, even if your one parent doesn’t share the other’s goals or hobbies, you will learn a lot about what it takes to cherish and appreciate the other person. Standing on the sidelines and rooting for someone is an important part of marriage. By learning how to embrace and support a person you love, you are telling a partner that you value their needs and wants.
Hopefully, your parents set a great example for you when it comes to a happy, healthy marriage. If not, that’s okay! Find a successful, long-term couple in your life to act as your marriage mentors.
You may also be interested in 4 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Saying “I Do” To Your Jewish Boyfriend