Scrolling through JDate, it’s easy to only be pulled in primarily by pictures. It’s why I write a lot about how to choose your photos; people will look right past you if you don’t grab their attention right away. And it’s no different when you meet someone in person. As humans, we have a need for instant gratification and have been told in movies and books that attraction is immediate. So when someone doesn’t catch our eye right away, we tend to disregard them and move on. We judge the book by its cover.
We need to train ourselves to slow down and give other people the same consideration we would want in return. Just because someone is looking disheveled doesn’t mean they don’t take care of themselves, just like someone wearing all high-end fashion brands isn’t necessarily a snob. We are so quick to judge and label someone we don’t know and then get upset when we are victim of the same practice. Ironically, one of the labels people hate the most is being called judgmental, which means we have to practice what we preach.
We all know that looks don’t last forever, yet we still put so much stock into attraction and that elusive “love at first sight” idea. How has that turned out for most of you? Not so well if you’re reading this, right? And yet we don’t stop at the grainy photo, or the one with a hat and sunglasses, or the person across the bar who is wearing a scowl on their face, or the one dressed in a manner you deem suspect.
Imagine Chuck Woolery introducing you on “Love Connection” (Google the game show if this was before your time). How would he describe you? If people were introduced by their character traits first, you may be surprised by who’s behind the description. And this isn’t a bad thing. Try not to mentally reject a prospect before giving them a fair shake. What have you been missing from dates where the attraction was instant but the connection was not? Focus on looking for those holes to be filled and you’ll see the attraction grow.
We have all heard the advice about to “marry your best friend,” and there’s a reason that saying exists. Your best friends is someone who you are comfortable with, who you can talk about anything with, who you enjoy being around, who you trust, who you turn to in good times and bad, and who you look forward to spending time with. If the attraction was questionable in the beginning, you will find that someone who you can depend on is much sexier than a good head of hair, pretty eyes, or a great smile.
If you want to narrow down prospects using the search preferences tool, that’s fine, but don’t narrow it down so far that you’ve eliminated great people. Then, give a chance to those who meet your criteria but perhaps doesn’t have great photos or aren’t “traditionally” good-looking. Along the way, you will also find yourself evolving as you put more weight into who a person is rather than how they look.
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