Nearly 10 years ago, I met a guy. We instantly became infatuated with each other and started planning a future together. I met his friends and we all meshed well. Then, I brought him home to meet my family … and my mom did not like him on arrival. Her instincts were telling her that he was not a good person and she tried to talk to me about it, but she backed off when the relationship continued to develop. I couldn’t hear her because I was too wrapped up in it all. She tried to be as supportive as she could, but she also had her guard up and never totally trusted him.
So when he called to ask my parent’s permission to propose marriage, my mom had to think long and hard about her answer. She knew that if she said “no” that he would propose anyway and then resent her for not giving her blessing. So, she said yes for the sake of our future relationship. He did propose, and we got married, and the tension between my husband and my mom got worse and worse. We ended up getting divorced three years later – not because of their relationship, but because I finally admitted to myself that he wasn’t such a good person. Lust and love and the idea of a fairy tale made me blind, and my ego wasn’t willing to admit that his faults were too big and too bad to accept. My mom was right (as moms usually are). Would she have saved me a lot (a lot!) of grief had I listened? Yes. But it was my very messy mistake to make.
Everything Is Coming Up Roses
The first few months of a new relationship are often spent in lust-filled bliss. You’re spending enough time together to get to know each other’s best sides, but you haven’t yet revealed any the skeletons in your closet or exposed your not-so-lovely moods. And when you do see something you don’t particularly like about the person, you brush it aside because, hey, no one is perfect right?
Overall, things seem to be going smoothly, you’re having fun, you’re enjoying each other’s company and you begin to start introducing your friends and family to your new significant other. You expect your loved ones to be as excited as you are and to like them for all the same reasons you do. Except they don’t – not at all.
Taking Off The Rose-Colored Glasses
It’s not just that your loved ones aren’t hitting it off with your new lover from day one. It’s that their instincts are telling them that this is not the guy or gal you think they are. Luckily, you have friends and family who are loyal and looking out for you and are honest with you. Perhaps they are being over-protective, and maybe they can’t even put their finger on what it is that is turning them off, but they just don’t like this person that you are so excited about. Your loved one is taking a big risk by expressing their concerns to you because it could ruin the friendship. Or they don’t tell you directly, but you see their hesitancy and maybe a facial expression, and they begin to distance themselves from spending time together when you new significant other will also be around.
You can decide to truly listen to their concerns and try to see things from their perspective, trusting that your loved ones have your best interests in mind. You can admit that you are still wearing rose-colored glasses and appreciate that someone outside of your bubble may see something you don’t. Or you can do what most people do and ignore those concerns, like I did, and learn your lesson on your own time. Some people need to do things the hard way (I did!), but once you have done that the first time and ignored your loved ones advice and opinions, perhaps you will listen to them the next time.
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