A spectacular date night on February 14 doesn’t mean a thing. This is not “Groundhog’s Day for Love.” If you are dating someone great, revel in the pleasure and treat your darling well. If not, do not take a free pass to sulk or engage in melodrama that will ruin your day. You may not be heralded, gifted, or fed, but you can vow to make this your last Valentine’s Day alone – and make a personal V-Day resolution to find love this year.


How to feel better right now?

First, forget about the misbehavior of those who have disappointed you. They might have an allergic reaction to Valentine’s Day, be good at loving in general… but not so good at holidays, or have gone to the “Lost Boys and Girls Land.” It’s even OK if you prefer to think of them as dead – the concept of their demise could be preferable to feelings of rejection.


Reach out to those you want to keep in your life:

Men: Valentine’s Day is a scorecard, so make sure you score and lighten up – handing over some roses is not a marriage proposal. You need to acknowledge the day in some form. You don’t have to move forward, but if you want to see her again, at least email “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

Women: if not committed, do not over-give because that may invite a misconstrued interpretation of your feelings. Give something you made or a card or plan something fun. But don’t out-do his efforts. Let him win. And, of course, say thank you profusely for anything nice that comes your way.

If you’re not seeing anyone right now, give cards or gifts to female or male relatives and friends. It is always helpful to practice being sweet.

Lose the myth you can’t break up just before V-Day – but do be gentle. Faking your way through the day is grim. And by breaking up immediately afterwards, they feel duped, and they were. Give them a chance to make a better match. None of us are indispensible.


Lovability suggestions for everyone:

  • Do not criticize or look for what’s wrong in other people.
  • Don’t be excessively needy.
  • Don’t expect anyone other than you to solve your problems.
  • Know that other people’s actions are no excuse for your own.
  • Find ways to be pleasant, even if you aren’t always happy.
  • Know how to laugh easily – it is a contagious habit.
  • Show love in everyway – too much is not too much if he or she likes it.


Suggestions for showing love:

  • Atone: say you’re sorry if you’ve been remiss. And forgive others (without bringing it up again) for anything they may have done to you.
  • Write your own card – even if it is a line or two – anyone is appreciated as a wannabe poet.
  • Be sexually experimental – what doesn’t hurt can’t hurt you, and you might discover new enjoyment.
  • Give lots of I.O.U.’s for back rubs, dishes or car washings, running errands, or letting them choose the channel.
  • Set an “Electronic Black-Out” for real eye contact without any iPads or iPhones.
  • Always kiss for at least ten seconds – pecks are only for acquaintances.


Keep the Valentine’s Day spirit going:

  • Take time picking out cards – put them in different locations and keep giving them after Valentine’s Day is over.
  • Pamper your love by word, touch, and gesture, all the time forever.
  • Keep your dating manners permanently – don’t burp, pick your teeth, scratch, or yawn in their presence and when you accidently do, please say “excuse me.”
  • Lose the white boxer shorts, sensible bras, and panty hose. Attractiveness matters more – not less – as time together rolls on.
  • Write a compliment every day and post it on a note, text or email.
  • Write down everything you appreciate and everything you love about each other. Write what touched you most in the ways they expressed their love for you and ask them to do the same.
  • It’s important to write, as well as tell, because year-to-year, people won’t remember what was said. I saw a news story about a fourth-grade teacher who asked her students to list everything they liked about each of their classmates. The students got their list of what their peers liked about them, and it was amazing how much those lists affected their lives. Many interviewed carried those accolades with them into adulthood and would re-read them and feel a glow every time.


And that’s the way being loved by you needs to feel. You need to expect and ask for great treatment, but you only have power over what you give – not what you’re given.

Make a personal Valentine’s Day resolution to become more loveable. Falling for you and staying in love with you should be easy!

Click here for a complete list of all Dr. Janet Blair Page’s articles.
Janet Blair Page, PhD, author of Get Married This Year: 365 Days to “I Do”, is a psychotherapist with more than thirty years of experience in private practice in New York and Atlanta. She teaches at Emory University and has been in the New York Times, Glamour and on CNN, FOX, Good Morning America, and The Early Show. She lives in Atlanta, Georgia.
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