Meet my parents. Meet them. They are great. I’m never anxious about a girl meeting my parents. I think people that get nervous when a significant other is about to meet their parents are subconsciously worried that their date will find out who they actually are because really, whether you like it or not, your parents are an extension of you. More chronologically accurate, you are an extension of your parents.

Unless your parents are serial killers, and you know who you are, I think it is a great idea to introduce a girl or boy to your parents as soon as possible. As I grow older, I start to see that I share so many similarities with my parents that I never really thought about before. I’m starting to say my dad’s horrible jokes more frequently, even though my own jokes are hilarious. I suppose my son will one day repeat my jokes one day, but I hope he won’t, because they’re often graphic, and if I ever repeat any of them to any child, mine or not, I should be immediately put to death.

Not introducing your girlfriend to your parents is akin to hiding the fact that you pick your nose or that you watch reality television. Eventually, those boogers are going to come out, and if you wait too long, they’re going to get all runny and green and bacteria-filled. Don’t expose your girlfriend to endemic pathogens. Any secrets you have are going to eventually come out. The longer you wait, the greener they get.

However, if you’re introducing me to your parents, please tell me at least a little bit in advance. I’m sure I will like them a lot if I like you a lot, but I’d still like to shower and wear something nice.

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