In a recent Topic of the Week, we posed a question to JDate’s Message Boarders about just how much personal income matters when it comes to who they choose to date and JDaters responded with a wide variety of opinions. Here’s the top ten list of our favorite responses.
10. “Attitudes toward spending and saving are important in a marriage and have an effect on a relationship. But it’s not usually the case that I would know whether someone lives within or beyond her means before I actually have a date with her. So that means to me that it doesn’t affect who I choose to date, only who I would maintain a relationship with.”
– MusicMichael, 44M, New York, New York
9. “I am incredibly uncomfortable dating guys with tons of cash. I like to do things for myself and I don’t want to look like a ‘mooch’ or become dependent on them and their flow. Plus, I have a thrifty poor folk mind set – I just can’t be those who throw it around like they have their own cash tree in their backyard. It just makes me really uncomfortable. So yes, money does affect who you date.”
– Zowie13, 29F, Saint Paul, Minnesota
8. “On the whole, income is not what matters; it’s the DEBT!”
– Presschick, 44F, Fullerton, CA
7. “If you’re dating for fun – 100% Yes. If you dating for marriage – 100% NO…You should know what you want and don’t be shy to tell your potential mate about kosher food, Shabbat, torah and….How much money do you need???”
– BoruchChaim, 39M, Brooklyn, NY
6. “Men who find it important to support themselves and grow within their chosen fields are of interest to me rather than men in dead end jobs/careers.”
– Stargrrrrl, 39F, West Orange, NJ
5. “I am looking for a rich older woman near death.”
– FitnessGuy005, 32M, San Diego, CA
4. “For a long time it made no difference to me, but I found after trying many times…Men don’t like women who make more money than they do.”
– chim9, 35F, Newton, MA
3. “If you were meant to be together and are soul mates, it should not really make much difference, rich or poor, as long as you have a roof over your head and can spend time together, that is all that matters. Happiness comes from inside, money cannot buy love!”
– PersiancutieBCD2, 51F, Brea, California
2. “Income (money) vs. outcome (of the date). I choose to only be affected by the outcome.”
– RhythmNBlues501, 28M, Bronx, NY
1. “Sure, if I don’t have income, I don’t date.”
– IFDeeVa, 59F, Houston, TX
Last year, I was in a relationship with a great guy. He was a handsome, smart, educated gentelman, who held the same Jewish values as I do. I couldn’t believe my good fortune & couldn’t care less about the fact that at 33, he was still living with his parents with no paying job, still in Medical school. I didn’t even mind being the main bread winner if it came to this, and was never bothered by the fact that he couldn’t afford much, since I put myself through school & did not come from a wealthy family either. But regardless of all the good intentions, he couldn’t form a stable, serious & committed relationship in that confused & hectic stage of his life, with no means or a solid career, whereas I was willing to go a step further because I already had a routine.
Money shouldn’t matter, but in most cases it does.
Well the money issue is a bit complicated.
I had the best childhood ever, my parents were very wealthy and gave us a great education, travelled around the world, we had it all and all the love in world from them too………….as life went on the lost it ALL!, I married and had a nice life, we both worked and lived comfortably but when we got divorced he need it to maintain his second family and I had to make it on my own. I have been able to raise my kids (14 and 19) practically on my own with much effort………..and now is why I tell you this story………because to me a comfortable living is a must because I need to feel secure with my future partner and someone that does not have the means to fulfill this then I cannot even consider him, even if he is what I’m looking for. It’s so hard to think like this but it has been so hard for me that I cannot have more weight on my shoulders than I already have.
So does money matter? For me it does.
Lets not be illogical or delusional,it’s all important and part of the equation,that is; chemistry, affection, family, friends, responsibility, and yes, money!!I’ve met many a wonderful woman and all liked the ‘finer’ things in life. Aside from the basics of raising a family or yourself, recreational activities [ sports, concerts, museums, Travel, restaurants etc.] all require money, and a fair amount of it, at that. The fact that money is important also has a positive influence on people-drive, ambition, desires. In the end almost all of the profiles on the dating services detail their successes and love for travel, and while all of you women are both beautiful and endearing, I suggest that money paves the way for these activities and adventures. Although reasonably priced, the excursions on J DATE require payment. Let’s not forget the old adage- rich or poor, it’s always better to have money!!!
I guess this means anyone hit by this economy will be date-less. To those who say a man is threatened if a woman makes more money, I say ‘humbug’. Personally, I would be thrilled to be with a woman who can support herself independently and share or take turns paying for things. No more mooches!