You know it’s the kiss of death when you ask someone about the new person they’re seeing, and all they can say is “they’re ‘nice.’” When did the word nice become such a bad thing? After all, do we really want to date someone who is going to make our life miserable? No, of course not! However, when all you can say about someone is that they’re ‘nice,’ then you’re obviously not feeling any chemistry – probably because there’s nothing else about the person that’s exciting you. However, as we get older, it’s worth digging a little deeper and discovering what else may exist inside those nice people. After all, being a nice person is a good foundation for a healthy relationship.
First off, being too nice is often an excuse given when someone is weeding out people left and right. After dating for just one month, a guy started off the “it’s not going to work conversation” by telling me I’m the kindest person he has ever dated by far, and almost too nice! To that I asked if he’d like me to be bitchier, because that could be arranged. I asked what the real reason was, and he couldn’t answer me. He did go on to say that maybe he did prefer women who didn’t treat him as well. Bottom line, if someone is looking to eliminate a potential partner sooner than later, there are a number of excuses in the book, and they’ll nitpick to find something. However, what’s interesting is that they may always find fault because, subconsciously, no one is ever good enough since they are not ready to engage in a committed relationship with a potential future.
So what are some common excuses you’ve heard? I have heard:
- “She’s too kind”
- “She’s too bitchy”
- “He’s a mama’s boy”
- “He doesn’t like his mother”
- “She’s not chatty enough”
- “She’s too chatty”
- “She has an annoying voice”
- “He is too short”
- “He isn’t athletic enough”
And the list goes on! There are excuses upon excuses.
So what does make for a good partner? I believe it’s simple, but not always easy to implement. How about starting with someone who treats you well and cares about making you happy? They bring joy to the times you spend together, and make you smile even when you’re not with each other. Someone with whom you can go dancing or just stay at home and cook dinner, and have an equally great time doing either. Maybe the chemistry doesn’t ignite fireworks right away, but to your surprise, the passion may spark between the two of you after months of getting to know each other. That means, you may have to give it more than a few dates.
Maybe there are times when they really aggravate you and make you upset. You dismiss this person as not being for you… or maybe you’ve developed feelings for this person and have now become more sensitive when they go out with other people.
The point to all of this is, stop making excuses and finding fault with everyone you meet and date. Yes, we hear stories about love at first sight, but there is a good chance, it may take a little patience and time, so give people a chance and don’t be so quick to make an excuse. Dating can be difficult (I know!), but a positive outlook breeds positive results!
Based in New York City, Michelle Jerson is a radio talk show host, television traffic reporter, and founder of the travel site www.passportromance.com. She recruits for a matchmaking service, and is currently seeking a few good men to join for free! She is also available for profile and dating consultations. Contact Michelle at firstname.lastname@example.org.