It’s been two days since the apocalypse. Judgment day has passed. Sinners have been punished, and the righteous were flown to heaven on angel wings. My most awkward moment from a life filled with uncomfortable silences and even more uncomfortable silences was pretty anti-climactic. Long story longer, a girl from JDate who stopped talking to me when I was fat and started talking to me again after I lost some weight, happened to be running a wedding of two very good friends of mine. Before the wedding, we went on a date that didn’t go too well. Afterwards, I told her I’d let her know when I lost some weight.

So she was at the wedding, but we were friendly-ish and successfully avoided each other for most of the night. One minute I’msitting at my table with my best friends, the next minute I’m lying in my bed, wearing a suit with a t-shirt over it, with two pairs of boxers on. Also, most of the items in my room are completely trashed. Since I couldn’t remember the end of the night, I asked my bestie what happened. She answered that I should get tested for an STD. After that, she said nothing. If you only remember two things before you die, one should be the knowledge that you should never tell an OCD patient that he should be tested for sexually transmitted diseases and then not tell him anything about what happened. She wouldn’t answer me when my OCD-induced panic kicked in, and I hurriedly tried to reach anybody else that went to the wedding.

I woke up the next morning at 5:30 am after a night filled with dreams about dying covered withback sweat. I went to work, but all I could think about was whatever horrible disease I had contracted during a night I didn’t remember. My friend finally called me and told me that she was just kidding. Hilarious.

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