This is what happens when one loses internet. For the first thirty minutes, you frantically repeatedly connect and disconnect from your network, with the faint hope that turning it on and off again at a frenetic pace will suddenly make internet for that which there is no internet. After a half hour, you start looking for other wireless networks that are not secure. By ‘not secure’, I, of course, mean not password protected, because if you’re going to steal somebody else’s internet, you’re damn sure not going to try to guess somebody’s password using only the name of the network as a clue. After ten minutes of not finding any other non-secure networks, you restart your computer exactly seven times, using the same ‘on and off’ theory you first used when repetitively disconnecting and connecting from your network.

After an hour of no internet, it’s time to break out the reserves. You start looking through all of the photos on your computer. If you are a photographer, like me, then you have a lot of pictures to look through while waiting in vain for your key that can unlock the world (wide web).

After about two hours, you go to the bathroom because you have been frantically drinking ice water because the a/c has also been broken, but you haven’t spent any time trying to get it fixed because the internet is also broken, and that always takes priority. On top of that, your water bill, cable bill, electricity bill, rent payment, and taxes all have to be done, but again, the internet. On top of that, it is also your father’s birthday, your aunt and uncle’s anniversary, and the day for your scheduled colonoscopy.

So the 24-hour period that I had no internet directly coincided with the time I was supposed to write a new, hilarious JBlog post. Instead, I sat in an OCD-induced stupor waiting for the internet to come back. Now that it’s back, I still have nothing to write about.