JDate. It’s a bit like rocking out front row at a Jonas Brothers concert, only to lock eyes with someone you know mid fist pump. There’s a moment of embarrassment cut short by the acknowledgment that both of you came for the same thing. In this case, it’s the sweet, sweet musical stylings of Joe and the gang, and in the case of JDate, it’s romance.  And why should you be ashamed of online dating? The general rule of thumb is as follows: if Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan have made a movie about it, chances are that it is romantic. This would also explain why the duo haven’t made a movie about getting drunk and meeting someone at a bar.  But really, it makes sense. If you were looking for kosher meat, would you go to a treif butcher? Now to extend the metaphor even further, imagine that not only is JDate a kosher butcher, but they have the largest meat market in the world, so you should be able to find just the cut you’re looking for.

That said, there are still those of us who have trouble meeting someone online, so I’ve come up with some general guidelines to get you started:

RULE#1 Pictures are everything: Using your headshot says: I only look this good with makeup, studio lighting and heavy photoshopping. Using multiple photos of yourself from one angle says: yes, I have horrible scarring and/or a glass eye on the other side. Pictures of you holding a drink with somebody’s hand reaching in the frame says: I’m only this interesting when I’m drunk, but don’t worry….I’m drunk a lot.  Photos of yourself taken shirtless in the mirror with a camera phone say: I enjoy curling up with a good novel.

RULE#2 What’s in a name?: I get it. You chose the screen name ‘Thuganomics’ because you’re a sensible business man with your finger on the pulse of the streets. The problem is she won’t.

RULE#3 Know your audience, play up your attributes..but be honest: Liking movies does not make you a nerd. Nor does cooking or listening to music. Owning a dungeon master manual may. Conversely, enjoying sports is different than playing them.  Oh, and if you have to say that you’re creative, crazy, or down to earth, chances are you’re probably not.

Follow these rules and you’ll be well on your way to being ‘flirted with’ or possibly even ‘hotlisted.’  Fundamentally, the goal of all of this electronic communication is to hopefully, at long last interact with a living, breathing, person.  As for that, you’re on your own.

About “Notes from the Tribe” artist, William Deutsch:

"Notes from the Tribe" artist, William Deutsch

An epiphany is defined as a moment of realization. Mine came whilst urinating in front of two dancing Hassidic Jews at a shivah minyan. I was, of course, in the restroom, and the two men were encased in a glass frame that hung above the toilet.  It occurred to me that this was not the first time the three of us had met in such a fashion. In fact, growing up in the Orthodox community, and later, when my mother joined the Cantorate, the Conservative community, one thing had remained constant: the art. Regardless of denomination, nearly every Jewish house I went to had the same three defining aesthetics: 1) Chagall prints 2) Abstract metal sculpture and 3) Pictures of frum Jews dancing and/or playing a Klezmer instrument. Despite these similarities, I found that none of this work spoke about the modern Jewish experience. In my family alone there is a Conservative Cantor, an Orthodox Jew, an atheist, and an agnostic; yet, all of us identify strongly as Jews. So I took it upon myself to make paintings that encapsulate the essence of what it is that ties us all together. The result is this ongoing collection called “Notes from the Tribe.”

One Comment
  1. Is their a phone number I can call to work with someone on Polishing my profile, and if so what are the hours to call.

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