You never knew when you signed up
What lay in store for you
So far you’ve been on 15 dates
And every one a Jew.
You’ve met guys from Long Island
And girls from Boston Mass
You’ve gone out to dinner and drank too much
And fallen on your…. Okay, moving on.
Your mom inquires about your dates
The what, where, when and how
You haven’t yet found Mr. or Ms. Right
But you’ve found a few Good for Now’s
You update your profile weekly
You talk about what makes you tick.
But you get the feeling it’s the bathingsuit picture
That’s getting you the click
Your non-Jewish friends ask your secret,
Why you date more than they
And you answer, “That’s classified information
But the answer starts with a J.”
For Chanuka your mom asks
If you want another sweater
You respond that a JDate renewal
Would really be much better
You’ve taken dates to restaurants
To bars, and even a show
You’ve taken them back to your apartment too
But Bubbe doesn’t know.
Guys, you never got this much action
Even in USY
On JDate girls just eat you up
You barely have to try.
Ladies, you’re no longer competing
With girls with straight blonde hair
On JDate it’s the curly brunettes
That get the lingering stare.
On dates you discuss Camp Ramah
And Shalom Sesame
Going to Brandeis orientation
And not having a Christmas tree.
Everyone likes Seinfeld
Your references are understood
Curb Your Enthusiasm is great
Woody Allen’s also good.
You have found your people
Dare I say, your tribe.
So re-up for another year, dude
To see if you and that zaftig girl vibe.