I spent the better part of my week writing a curriculum for a group of women whom are experiencing relationship troubles. I came across a relationship history chart that I had completely forgotten about.  This chart has always been useful in helping people see their relationship patterns. I thought I would share it with the JDaters out there who are looking to possibly break some patterns while creating healthier relationships. The first task is to write down the names of the last few people you were in a relationship with. Next, write the amount of time the relationships lasted next to each name. Be sure to include the characteristics of each relationship. For example, you can use descriptive words such as, healthy, dysfunctional, fun, boring, etc.  You can put as many characteristics as you wish next to each name. After the characteristics write how you felt in the relationship and what your role in each relationship was. For instance, I felt protected and my role was the attentive girlfriend. Lastly, include the rewards of each relationship and the consequences of each relationship.

Once you have completed these tasks read each section over carefully.  Circle the traits that come up more than once. Decide if you like these specific traits. If you are not thrilled with them here is your launching pad. I know it can be easier said than done, but make the decision not to include those components that you don’t like in your next relationship. Not only does this exercise help you to become a better partner and break unwanted patterns in a relationship it also gives your new partner the best of who you truly are!

Gems from Jen