I grew up thinking that there was a perfect man for me out there and that all I had to do was wait for us to meet. Would it end up being the boy I went to elementary school with (what a cute story that would make, right?) or someone I’d meet in college (aww, college sweethearts!)? Or would I meet someone new and just know that he was “The One”? I didn’t think about any of the effort I’d have to make to date; I assumed that it would be kismet.
But life doesn’t work that way. Books and movies romanticize love and create unrealistic expectations. So how do we get past the idea of a perfect mate?
Can You Offer Perfection?
Not only do we fantasize about how we would meet our beshert, but the vision of said beshert is also steeped in fantasy. We all have appearances that we are attracted to, and I don’t know many people who would turn down a “comfortable” lifestyle if it was offered to them. In addition, there’s our idea of what romance should look like in a relationship. The perfect person would automatically know what our love language is and shower us with romance without having to be told if we prefer acts of service, gifts, affirmation, quality time or physical affection.
This has to be reciprocal, of course, so we would need to also be their perfect type and their perfect partner. It’s a two-way street. If you expect perfection, shouldn’t you offer perfection? That’s a lot of pressure! But looking at it from this lens will show you how impossible it is to expect perfection since you can’t offer perfection. You want someone who has faults, lest you yourself never fail.
Perfect For You
Perfect is not checking boxes on paper. A better way to look at love is to look for the perfect person FOR YOU. That means finding someone who complements you: they succeed where you have shortcomings and vice-versa, they enjoy the same type of humor, and, of course, they have some similar hobbies and interests. But someone who complements you also means someone who challenges you, who introduces you to new experiences, and who encourages you to be the best you whilst you do the same for them.
Perfect FOR YOU does not mean that you will always agree and that you will never fight. Perfect FOR YOU means it’s someone you can see yourself living with, talking to and being interested in and attracted to for a very long time. Most of the other stuff is nonsense.
Stop looking for perfection and rejecting prospects for ridiculous reasons (has back hair, took six years to graduate college, rents instead of owns, puts mayo on hamburgers, doesn’t like Star Wars, etc.). Does the person put a smile on your face and make you feel comfortable? Take that and run with it!
You may also be interested in 7 Ways To Recognize Your Beshert
There aren’t too many available men in my age group locations and interests. I found 3 matches. One of them hadn’t been on the site for 4 months, another for six days, and the third one had only a few of the same interests. I certainly hope that I can find more matches, otherwise I’m going to have to cancel my subscription.