Oscar® Fever.  Early spring fever.  Sick times out there!

In honor of Hollywood’s upcoming biggest night, followed immediately by the night we no longer remember who won, I thought I’d announce a few awards of my own.  If all the world’s a stage, we’re the players, right?  If I can’t pilfer from a guy who’s been dead 400 years, who can I pilfer from?  In case Shakespeare is watching, make that “whom.”

Best supporting actress on the first and last date:  Those of you who convincingly said, “I had fun.”

Best supporting actor on the first and last date: Those of you who convincingly said, “I’ll call you.”

Best song and dance: Those of you who convincingly said, “I was looking at your eyes!”

Best director: Those of you who said, “Slower.”

Best picture: The one on your profile you no longer resemble.