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Dating can be a joyous, transformational wonderland where love, fulfillment, sheer joy, and mind-blowing sex reward those lucky enough to connect with the right person.

Dating can also be a depressing, soul-deadening, truly awful time-suck that makes you question who you are, what you want, and whether you’ll ever come even close to finding love in your lifetime.

For most of us, though, dating falls somewhere between these two categories. One thing we can all agree upon, however, is that dating definitely involves a time commitment. In fact, the time, energy, and financial and emotional investment is such that it could practically be a second career. One, of course, that usually doesn’t quickly pay off, and may never pay off.

Is dating consuming too much of your life? Those of you who immediately answered yes or no can stop reading right now. But for the rest of you who aren’t sure, suspect it might be, or broke out in a rash as soon as you heard the question, this is for you. It’s a simple, painless quiz called “How to Tell If Dating is Consuming Too Much of Your Life.” Respond honestly, and you’ll have your answer. If only dating provided that kind of immediate reward.


Quiz: Is Dating Eating Up Too Much of Your Life?

1.  On your income tax form, you list your occupation as:

a)      Salesperson

b)      Physician

c)      Professional Dater


2.  Your bed sheets show:

a)      A variety of solid colors

b)      Various geometric designs

c)      The lyrics to “Some Day My Prince Will Come”


3.  When the UPS delivery man comes to the door, you generally:

a)      Sign for your package and thank him

b)      Give him a package to deliver

c)      Ask him if he’s single or knows anyone who is


4.  Your response to anyone asking how you’re finding the dating world is:

a)      “It’s a numbers game but I remain optimistic”

b)      “It’s got its advantages and disadvantages”

c)      To begin sobbing and hyperventilating


5.  A typical dating challenge for you is:

a)      How to turn a prospect down gently

b)      How to recognize when you’ve met “The One”

c)      How to determine which of the three Judys you’re dating has just called you


6.  When your coffee date excuses himself to use the bathroom on your first date, you immediately:

a)      Check your make-up

b)      Read from the book you always carry in your pocketbook

c)      Check your smartphone to see if there are any new messages from JDate


7.  You leave your job because…

a)      You receive a more attractive offer from another company

b)      Your company goes out of business

c)      It’s starting to eat into your daily dating activities


8.  Your nickname is:

a)      Skipper

b)      Jo-Jo

c)      Still Available


9.  Every Starbucks barista:

a)      Can prepare a Mocha Frappuccino

b)      Knows how to process credit card payments

c)      Greets you by your first name and a knowing wink


10.  If you were a fish, you would most likely be called:

a)      Salmon

b)      Swordfish

c)      Catch of the Day


11.  When asked how long you’ve been doing online dating, you:

a)      Respond, “A couple of months”

b)      Respond, “A couple of years”

c)      Take out your 10-year calendar to figure it out


12.  Your dating profile headline is:

a)      Dynamic Woman Seeks Professional Man

b)      Romantic Man Seeks Professional Soul Mate

c)      For the Love of God, Get Me Off This Site!


13.  The most terrifying nightmare you have is:

a)      Being eaten alive by sharks

b)      Being trapped in a flaming building

c)      Going on yet another coffee date


14.  Your lucky number is:

a)      3—because you were the third child in your family

b)      15—your age when you had your first kiss

c)      737—the number of coffee dates you’ve had. So far. This year. Oh, God.


Mark Miller is a comedy writer who has performed stand-up comedy in nightclubs and on TV, written on numerous sit-com staffs, been a humor columnist for the Los Angeles Times Syndicate and is a current humor columnist for The Huffington Post. His first book, a collection of his humor essays on dating and romance, is scheduled to be published by Skyhorse Publishing on February 3rd of 2015, and is titled: “500 Dates: Dispatches From the Front Lines of the Online Dating Wars.” But he says he’d trade all his success away in a minute for immortality, inner peace and limitless wealth.
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