Dear Gems from Jen,

Riding a bike. It’s been nine years and I thought I was finally going to be off this site forever.  He was a real charmer, gave great lip service and I was a fool to let him slide when his words didn’t match his actions..  I guess it’s easy when you’re told what you want to hear, “You’re 99% perfect for me” and “The right one.” I wanted a stable situation and long-term happiness, one where I wasn’t one isn’t “all that” in the morning and “too needy” by nightfall.
I fell into another abusive relationship, I started having  doubts in February…He broke my heart.
I tell myself this time it’s over for good.  I’m even back on JDate, yet my heart still wants to be with him because I know all the good there is in him (his past wounds are still too much for him to conquer).
What’s wrong with me?  Why would I hang onto a man who is probably nothing more than a bad drug addiction.
I know each day it’ll get better.  Just how is it that an intelligent girl (as I am) can be such a fool when it comes to men?

Really down right now.

Dear Bike Rider,

Sometimes our fantasies outweigh our realities. I know how difficult this can be.  Our minds keep playing over and over the good qualities and we tend to block out the negative qualities. There is nothing wrong with you. You are not a fool; you are human and just let the wrong guy in.  I don’t know anyone who hasn’t had this experience.  You fell into a trap that many of us have fallen into. When someone seems too good to be true, they usually are. Charm and seduction are hard qualities to let go of. Sometimes it is better to be ruled by our heads rather than our hearts. It sounds as if you know what is best for you and it is not this guy.  Give yourself time to learn the lessons you need to learn from this relationship. It’s alright to feel the way you are feeling.  Take comfort in knowing it will not be like this forever. Sometimes we have to experience the bad to recognize the good, so when the right person does come along we are ready and grateful.

Gems from Jen