Dear Tamar,

I just subscribed to JDate a few weeks ago and I put on my profile that I am separated because even though I am in the settlement stage of my divorce and have been separated almost a year, I haven’t legally completed the divorce. I do notice that guys I am interested in on here are not ideally looking for someone who is “separated”.  It’s not like I am going back to my ex and I am truly ready to move on. Should I keep my profile listed as separated for now?


Dear Separation Anxiety,

Without a doubt I would recommend selecting “Divorced” as your marital status. Not only does “Separated” denote unfinished business, but also it’s more information than anyone needs to know at this stage. Only once you’re actually on a face-to-face date and are rehashing your histories should you disclose this information. But I don’t think it’s enough for you to simply change that part of your profile, because anyone who has looked at your profile has already seen it and may remember it. I would recommend doing a profile facelift — taking new photos, changing around your “About Me” paragraph and maybe even creating a new screen name — all in the hopes of attracting attention and letting them know that you are ready and have moved on. Good luck!