Dear Gems from Jen,

I had two serious relationships, the last of which ended almost four years ago.  I’ve dated a lot since then, but no one longer than three and a half months.  Both of my serious relationships ended because of the religion issue (i.e., they weren’t Jewish).  Both girls were incredible and we had amazing relationships otherwise.

I feel like I can’t find the same spark with anyone I’ve dated since.  I’ve actually liked a lot of the girls I’ve dated and I’m even friends with two of them, but it’s just not the same.  I fully believe this issue is mine.  I’ve never really sought out a professional to ask how I can overcome whatever issue I have.  I’m very successful in every other area of my life.

Thanks for your help. I’m very interested to hear your thoughts.


Dear Serious Relationships,

I am wondering if you are comparing these two past relationships to the women you are dating now? Sometimes people tend do this without even being aware that they are doing it.. You knew these relationships from your past were not going to work out, but you chose to stay even though you knew neither was right for you.  Have you considered the possibility that perhaps you don’t want a successful relationship?  I’m not necessarily saying this is your truth, but it is something for you to think about.  Spend some time figuring out what the “spark” you felt really was. Was it knowing these relationships were a no-no, or was it true chemistry? If you truly want a serious relationship, make your list of your non-negotiable items, including the Judaism piece, and stick to it. Spend time every day looking at profiles on JDate and contact only those that fit your criteria.  Allow yourself to let go of the past and move forward with your future.

Gems from Jen