Dear Gems from Jen,

I feel that I’m in need of some advice! I have been seeing a guy for a few months now.  He is really lovely and sweet and treats me nicely. My problem is that he doesn’t seem to have much oomph to his personality. He still lives at home in his mid-thirties and doesn’t seem to be passionate about very much.
I have been out with more passionate guys before, but they have ended up treating me like rubbish!  I have tried talking to him but I know that you can’t change people. Any advice on what I should do? I want to settle down and be happy but I can’t help feeling that I could “do better.”

Any advice appreciated,


Dear Should I Keep Going,

Sounds like this guy has some good qualities, being treated well is very important. However, living at home in his mid-thirties? What are the circumstances surrounding his living arrangements? It is one thing if he perhaps lost his job and he is trying to get re-established. It is another thing if he has never left the comfort of the nest. If the latter is the case, my suggestion is to think very seriously about who this person is. You say he has little “oomph” and is not a passionate person. Can you see spending your time with someone like this for the long haul? You are right; you cannot change anyone, but yourself. It sounds to me like you have already answered your own question. You believe you can do better, so my guess is, if you stay with this guy you are going to always be looking for something better. Settling down and being happy does not mean you have to take less than you want.

Gems from Jen