Sharing a bed with someone you’re dating for the first time is always an interesting experience. By sharing the bed, I’m referring to sleeping. You know — getting some shuteye, resting, snoozing, napping, catching some zzzzzz’s… not that other thing. The first night you share a bed you don’t want to move, make noises, or do those awkward and embarrassing things we do on a normal night (fart, pass gas, break wind, cut the cheese, let one rip).

After my boyfriend (now husband) and I moved in together, it took me an inordinate amount of time before I slept well. I laid there still as a log doing my yoga breathing all the while making sure I was looking cute with my hair splayed romantically across the pillow, my clothes placed properly and as many fresh breath smelling items nearby as possible. I would brush my teeth for the full two minutes as recommended by dentists, plus gargled with the strongest mouthwash out there plus place a breath mint subtly and strategically on the bedside table to pop in as soon as I wake up. It’s a full-time job, but somebody’s got to do it. Now that we’re married all those efforts have fallen by the wayside.

Then there’s cuddling. It sounds nice, but it’s not realistic. I can’t fall asleep when the blood flow leaves my arm because it’s wedged under his torso. Nor can I fall asleep breathing in hot air because my face is smashed against his chest. Even though we fall asleep together and wake up on opposite sides of the bed, I feel that sleeping – and just sleeping – together is a very intimate part of a relationship. By observing halacha (Jewish law) your still retaining your zenut (modesty) and controlling your yetzer ra (evil impulse) both of which will bring you closer together as a couple.

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