Dear Gems from Jen,
I met a great guy two months ago. We communicate a few times every day and have seen each other nearly every week. We were intimate in the beginning, but now he says he wants to slow it down. We make plans and still continue to communicate just like before. We always have a great time together. He says he is being cautious because he has been burned a few times. He is still online, but says he isn’t dating. I don’t know what to believe. I feel like we are in a relationship, but he is just scared.
I can’t figure out what he is telling me because his signals are so mixed.
Dear Slowing Down,
It sounds to me as if his signals are not confused. He told you he wanted to slow down, at least the intimate part and from what I can tell from your writing, it did slow down. Do you mean he still has a profile posted on JDate when you say he is still online? If the two of you have agreed to be exclusive and he still has a profile there is obviously a problem. If exclusivity has not been discussed then there is nothing wrong with him continuing to stay active on JDate.
My suggestion is to really hear what it is he is saying to you, not what it is you want to hear. It sounds like he does like you, but he wants to be cautious. Heed his warning; do not push him into anything he is not ready for. When someone wants to take things slowly there are usually reasons and moving too quickly tends to do more damage than good. It appears as if the two of you have something good here, take your time and don’t over think this. Enjoy his company and don’t rush things.
Gems from Jen