We all know the scene in “Wedding Crashers” where Vince Vaughn says, “I gotta get out of here pronto, I’ve got a stage 5 clinger.” The thing is, stage 5 clingers exist in real life, not just movies. In fact, there might be more of them out there than you’d even imagine. Unfortunately, if you are a stage 5 clinger, it’s never a good thing. In polling some of the men in my life, I found that the second they realize they have a stage 5 clinger on the hands, they want to run for the hills.

Now, Merriam-Webster has yet to include this term in the dictionary, BUT it’s still a very real thing. I hate to break it to you, but your stage 5 clinginess could very well be the reason your relationship ends (or doesn’t even begin, for that matter).

I’ve Been There

I’m going to come out and say it: I’ve been a stage 5 clinger. In my early 20s, there were a couple guys I, well, clung to. Looking back, I chalk it up to being young, a little dumb with men and slightly immature and insecure. I guess I sought validation from the guys I dated/hooked up with and, in turn, it made me always question things and go a little cray-cray. Let’s just say it started great, and then I became THAT girl. One of these guys even said to me, “Julie, I don’t understand what happened. You were so cool when we first started. What the hell happened?” Yep, really. I started out as a cool chick and turned into a needy child, apparently. I found out the hard way that it’s a sure way to see your relationship head south.

Don’t Be Too Dependent

It’s not attractive to be so clingy because it shows your partner that you don’t have a life of your own. If you’re constantly in their face, texting, calling and asking to make plans, they are going to think you have nothing else going on and that you’re dependent on this relationship for your happiness. They want a girl who can be happy on their own; the guy is just an added bonus that’ll further enhance your already happy life. In addition, guys like mystery (to an extent). You constantly checking in and keeping tabs on them means you know every single solitary thing going on, and there’s no room for surprise or guessing. Don’t make it so easy. Don’t be so available. Ultimately, guys want a confident girl, not a needy one.

How To Avoid Being Too Clingy

Okay, so we’ve made it clear that it’s bad to be a stage 5 clinger, but how do you make sure you’re not one? For starters, have a life of your own. You did have a life (probably a very full one, too) prior to meeting this guy, so just because he’s in it now doesn’t mean every single thing needs to revolve around him. Make plans with friends, don’t be available every night and show him that you have your shit together and a lot going on; he should be, as I said, just an added bonus.

In addition, do not text him 45 times in a row. If he doesn’t answer your first or second text, just relax. He’s busy. He has a life, too, and he’ll get back to you. Do not continue to text him with question marks, emojis and GIFs to get his attention, because this will make him really annoyed – as in purple devil face emoji annoyed.

It truly comes down to believing in and trusting your relationship, self-confidence, and self-love. You should respect yourself enough to not be the needy chick; you’re better than that! Like I said, I’ve been there before, so if this comes off harsh, it’s only because I’ve seen it all unfold. Bottom line: being a stage 5 clinger makes even prettiest, coolest, smartest and funniest girls unattractive.

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