Dear Gems from Jen,

Three months ago I met someone here who I absolutely fell for.  The woman I met is 42 and was married for 20 years before divorcing. Then she had a 12 month relationship before ending it.  I met her two weeks after that relationship.  We’ve had an unbelievable three month dating relationship; however, she is not ready to open her heart for a committed relationship given her limited dating history.  I find it unfulfilling to remain in a “dating relationship” with the freedom to also date others since I’m ready to meet someone for a monogamous relationship as I dated quite a bit last year and am past the “just dating” phase.  Should I simply move on or give her time?  This is the first woman that I’ve fallen for since my divorce two years ago.

Dear Staying Patient or Leave the Relationship,

It sounds to me as if you have some serious decisions to make regarding this relationship. On one hand you have fallen for her. I know what an amazing feeling that can be. On the other hand however, she has told you she is not ready for a committed relationship, she met you two weeks after ending a relationship and you are experiencing feelings of not being fulfilled.

What is it you truly want? If this is a woman you can see yourself with for the long haul, then go for it.  Be aware though that she may never be ready and pushing her into something she is not wanting will only lead to feelings of resentment for both of you. Are you willing to be patient with this woman? Are you willing to accept that she may never want a monogamous relationship?

My suggestion would be to have an open and honest discussion with her. Let her know what your wants and needs are and listen to what she is saying to you as well. Stay true to yourself and do not let your dreams go astray if she is unwilling to commit to you for the long haul.  If you honestly want a long term monogamous relationship you may need to move forward without this particular woman.


Gems from Jen