Tamar –

I’m 41, divorced, with 2 girls, very satisfied in my career, self sustaining, etc. and hope to meet someone really nice – after a really bad divorce (not mentioned in my profile).

The problem is, the majority who contact me on JDate are 25-35, have no kids, are single and are only looking for the cougar Mom to have great sex with.

I’m not the cougar type (tried it once…not for me), really trying to find someone nice that I can have a relationship with and build a relationship with.

Do you have any advice?

Thank you


Dear The Cougar Who Isn’t,

I read your profile and I think you did a great job addressing your divorce without addressing it: “My past relationships gave me my two gorgeous children… and for that, I am grateful…..”. I think you did a great job with the 6 photos showing you from different angles. I would delete picture #3 as it looks like an older photo and is not consistent with what looks like more recent photos. I would also delete #4 as it shows you having fun, but looks awkward. Take more active photos to replace these with. The remaining 4 photos are consistent and clear.

As for the content, I think your profile is well-rounded and eloquent. In your answers you repeat yourself a lot and I know you are trying to get your point across but it’s an obvious copy&paste so either reword or delete those paragraphs. And I know you don’t want boys looking for cougars, but I’d pull back on your “what I don’t want” list at the bottom of your profile.

Additionally, I would change your age range. I don’t think 35-44 is right for you and what you’re looking for. I would shift your age range to 38-46 for starters, maybe even as high as 48. I believe adjusting your age range and making your profile flow better will be a good start to finding the type of quality men you’re looking for.

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