Dear Gems from Jen,

After a long and wonderful eight-month relationship, my girlfriend and I have discovered that we want different things. I would love to move in with her and eventually marry her. She, was planning to have me and my kids move in with her and her children. Now she admits she does not want that, and never wants to be married again (we are both divorced).  I love her and she says she loves me. Can we get through this? I suppose we could split, but I really don’t want to do that. We work so well in every other way. Am I just having trouble seeing the situation for what it is?

Dear M Word,

The first step is to really see the situation for what it is. You want marriage, she doesn’t. This could work if you are willing to let go of your wants and desires. Are you hoping by hanging in there she will eventually change her mind? If that’s the case then you might be waiting a very long time, and possibly forever.

I don’t want to sound down or dash your hopes and dreams, but most people who say they don’t want a long-term commitment usually mean what they say. This is not to say she will never change her mind, but do you want to wait for a day that might never arrive?  My suggestion is to have a heartfelt discussion with her and really understand her position. If there is no glimmer of hope, what would make you stay? If you want to be married again this might not be the woman for you. I know how difficult it can be to walk away from something that seems to work so well. However, your desires are just as important as hers.


Gems from Jen