Dear Rabbi,

I live in a small city with only a few JDate members nearby. I love where I live, but I’m not opposed to relocating if that means I will be able to find my Beshert. Besides, my children are all grown and out of the house. However, no one I have contacted out of my state ever replies to my messages. Any advice?

-Loveless in the Boondocks


Dear Boondocks,

You can certainly broaden your search parameters on JDate up to 2000 miles, but perhaps you have already tried this and that is why you are writing.

Your query raises some questions that might require some soul searching, the first of which is: do you firmly believe there is no partner for you locally? If you are sure this is the case, let’s address just how willing you are to move. On that subject, it is not clear from your email if you are thinking of moving before you meet your bashert; first setting yourself up anew in a location that has a higher Jewish population, or if your thought would be to move to your bashert’s city after you have already established a relationship.

JDate has posted articles that address certain aspects of long distance relationships and the associated potential of moving. It might be helpful for you to read these as you consider the possibility of meeting someone who is not local to you.

On the other hand, if there is a particular town or city you could see yourself living in, perhaps you can begin to conduct your JDate searches in that area, mentioning in your profile that you are seeking specifically to move to that location. You might decide to give yourself an adventure by relocating. It could be the experience of a lifetime!

This is a big step, however, and you have to weigh it against your current locale. If you really do like where you live, do you want to uproot yourself, recognizing that even if you do move to a more Jewish-populated area, you still might not find the partner you seek?

I know many individuals who have chosen their city with the expectation that they will meet a potential partner there. I also know people who believe that one can meet that special someone no matter where they live.

What matters is what will make you the most satisfied. Can you live happily in your boondocks knowing that you might not find your bashert? If yes, then you have the answer to your question. Keep doing what you are doing and maybe someone will respond. If not, you might start looking into a move and choosing a place that really suits you, recognizing, first and foremost, that it will not only be your relationship opportunities that will change. A move is a very big transition that will affect almost every area of your life.

Whatever your choice, I wish you success as you pursue it. I would love to hear back from you about your decision.

To ask Rabbi Damsky a question, email

Rabbi Robin Damsky is the spiritual leader of West Suburban Temple Har Zion in River Forest, IL,, and is co-author of Find Fulfill Flourish, a book to help you find a life of meaning, purpose and fulfillment, at
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