If you are looking to lose some weight, look no further.  If you have been packing on the carbs and saturated fat, all you need is an erosion of the mucous membrane caused in part by the corrosive action of the gastric juice.  In short, you need for your body to tear a hole in your stomach.  This is extremely painful, and makes eating even more painful.  Every mouthful of food will feel like you are eating the fire that engulfs Osama bin Laden. Soon, your appetite will be gone, and you will be able to shed roughly 15 pounds per week.  It happened to me, and it can happen to you, too!

A few weeks ago, I started experiencing weird sensations in my body.  I felt like I had a fever, I sweated profusely, and it was incredibly painful to eat.  After every bite, I experienced a tightening in my chest and a burning in my throat.  I looked up symptoms on my sister’s phone and convinced myself that I had an ulcer.  In the first week, I lost about ten pounds.  It turns out I didn’t have an ulcer, it was probably just acid in my body.  Though the pain is over, my smaller appetite remains.  I’m just not as excited about food anymore, which is amazing, because there was nothing more excitable to me than food just a month earlier.  I am losing roughly four to five pounds per week.

So, ask your doctor if you have an ulcer, and if not, ask how you can get one.  You won’t find this weight loss plan in any health publications because it is extremely unhealthy.  But who cares about health when you have abs! Abs!