In an age when there are endless profiles that match our on-paper list of requirements, how can we really know when someone is really right for us? I have ran into several guys on JDate that are just looking to have a good time and are using JDate as a vehicle to get some action. Let’s face it, Jewish people have some of the lowest STD percentages out there, so if you are just looking for action, it is not a bad group to target. However, I am seeking a husband or long-term partner and do not care to engage in any hook-up scandals. Are there signs to look for in peoples’ profiles to avoid the male JDate player?

Dear What Are The Signs,

I can’t count the number of times I have been taken in by someone only to find out down the road that looking good on paper doesn’t always translate into the same thing in the “real” world. These realizations made me feel like I had been smitten by one of the Ten Plagues. A bit dramatic, I know, however I’m sure you catch my drift.

Profiles can be tricky, and to weed these “players” out there are a few things to look for. Firstly, does the profile seem too generic? For example, short answers, non-specific qualities that the person is searching for, and a concern more with looks in a potential date, rather than traits that complement theirs. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that physical attraction is what hooks us initially, but looks are fleeting and someone who is serious about a real relationship will certainly be more concerned with qualities that go much further than skin deep.

Another sign to keep in mind is, how do they present themselves in their profile? Is it well thought out?  Did they take the time to explain what it is they are searching for? Did they mention long-term relationships and/or marriage in their profile? If these components are missing you might be dealing with a so-called “player.”

Lastly, trust your instincts. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. We all have the power to say, “no thank you” and move on. You never know – you might be moving on to the real thing!


Gems From Jen