What is it that men are really looking for? What turns them on and off when meeting someone? How did those who are in committed relationships know that this woman was the one they wanted to spend forever with?
I can talk about it until I’m blue in the face, but I still can’t quite figure out all the inner workings of men. So, I decided to ask some of my guy friends who I love and respect dearly for their thoughts. After all, why not go straight to the source to find out what men are really looking for in a partner.
I asked these guys following questions:
- When you were hot on the dating scene, what were you looking for in a woman?
- What turned you on? What turned you off?
- How did you know you found “the one”?
31 Years Old, Lawyer, Engaged
“When I was single and dating, I wanted someone who I got along with, who was easy to talk to, got my sense of humor, and had a good sense of humor on their own. I wanted someone I could be myself around, where it was easy, where I didn’t have to shape my personality for the person and try to impress her. I always thought what’s the point of being with someone who didn’t like me for me? And, of course, physical attraction is important.”
“In terms of turnoffs, I wasn’t ever interested in someone who was too serious or didn’t smile. If they weren’t engaging in the conversation, I wasn’t a huge fan of that. I didn’t want someone who wasn’t fun or who took the date too seriously or themselves too seriously. Small talk was a bit of a turnoff for me, too; if the conversation never evolved into anything real, that would frustrate me.”
“Now, when it came to my future wife, the thing about her that made me realize this could be it was how fun it was and how easy it felt being with her. When we’re together, it just clicks. On our first few dates, I realized I didn’t have to censor myself; we just talked. I was who I was, and didn’t change anything. I also noticed I really listened when she talked; I didn’t even have to try. Everything just flowed. Our conversations evolved past small talk. As well, she’s very laid back, and that was a big thing for me. And, finally, while this might sound strange, something I love about her and was part of the reason I knew she was the one, is that I like how she fights. Granted, we don’t have too many arguments, but when we do, she’s very reasonable and rational and level-headed. She doesn’t let her emotions get the best of her. That’s a big thing for me.”
32 Years Old, Commercial Real Estate, Married
“I was never really looking for anything in particular, per se, but was always interested in women who had a strong sense of self and were comfortable in their own skin. Women who were kind to everyone, be it the waiter at the restaurant or their boss at work, and valued/cherished/prioritized relationships and time with family and friends. Those were certainly some of the key things that always stuck out to me, and I was fortunate enough to find all of those qualities and many more in my wife!”
“The only major turnoff for me was if a woman was disrespectful or catty. Be nice to people.”
“I don’t remember an exact moment, but my wife and I genuinely like each other. We don’t necessarily like all the same things/hobbies, but we enjoy being around each other and sharing in our differences. Even doing the most mundane things, we enjoy being together. When the excitement/newness of dating starts to fade away and routine sets in, who do you enjoy being with (think unloading the dishwasher on a Sunday night at 11:00 pm)? She’s my best friend and many of our attributes complement each other (e.g. she enjoys structure and I enjoy fluidity). Although this can lead to disagreements, it is also what helps bring out the very best in each of us.”
32 Years Old, Sales, Married
“I was looking for someone who let me be who I am and was patient with my ‘male qualities,’ a girl with a sense of humor and who can also be real and not superficial. Someone who is easy to talk to and gives great feedback and comfort.”
“Turnoffs include no sense of humor, no direction in life and family not being important. Turn-ons are the complete opposite of the aforementioned offs.”
“I loved that my then future wife had a different personality type than me because we complemented each other. She blended in well with my friends, is funny and didn’t even mind me farting in front of her early on in our relationship. Family and friends are also very important to her, and she is one of the nicest people anyone comes across. One odd thing that I loved about her was how much she cared for her dog.”
31 Years Old, Investment Analyst, Married
“When I was dating, I was looking for someone who called me out on my BS, someone who didn’t try to oversell themselves, someone who I could quickly go beyond a surface level conversation with, a two-sided conversation, and someone I could just be myself around. A few things contributed to knowing my wife was the one: I felt comfortable being vulnerable around her, I was completely able to be myself, she understood my sense of humor, appreciated sarcasm, and she had her own ambitions (the physical attraction didn’t hurt either). For me, it really came down to it being comfortable, easy and fun.”
If you’re a guy reading this (don’t be shy!), what is it that you’re looking for in a woman? What turns you on and off? Share in the comments below!
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It seems like in all of these situations it was mutual ease of being together and there was no forcing. I know sometimes meet women and men like this and they are always just so easy to talk to and they get me.