What exactly does it mean to be “in love”?  If you love someone deeply but no longer have the butterflies in your stomach, is that enough? Do you need the butterflies or is that a feeling which means you are actually insecure in your relationship because you don’t know how the other person feels? That butterfly feeling is exciting, so does that mean your relationship is over once that feeling goes away? When someone tells you “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” is that a bad thing? If you lose that “in love” feeling, does it mean that you fell out of love and should no longer be with that person, or does it simply mean that it became a deeper kind of love and is not just a fleeting feeling? Is being “in love” the same thing as lust?

You need to answer these questions for yourself. There’s not a right or wrong answer necessarily, but you should decide what feelings you want and need. What is acceptable for you to feel towards the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? And how do you want your partner to feel towards you? Is it okay if you are in love with your partner but your partner loves you just isn’t “in love” with you? Or vice-versa?

Try to differentiate what the difference is – to you – between loving someone and being in love with them. Define and describe each and determine what is what.

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