What Women Really Want_Header

As a matchmaker, it’s my job to meet droves of women and get a sense of who they are and what they’re looking for. I can find out more from them in five minutes than most men can find out on five dates! Most women think they know what they want, but they really don’t. If you ask a woman what she’s looking for in a man, she’ll tell you she wants someone tall, dark, and handsome. But, if you look at her relationship history, you’ll see that’s not always true.

Men are visual and fall in love through their eyes. They can sometimes be shallow and superficial (apologies to the men who aren’t, but you know it’s often the truth!). Women, however, fall in love through their ears. We care more about the whole package. We value a man’s personality and how he treats us. I’m here to tell you that looks aren’t that important to all women. Yes, a man’s physical appearance is important to some ladies, but most women want more than that. A nice looking man who is in good shape, dresses well, and possesses all of the below characteristics is what we really want!

1. A Kind and Caring Soul
Women want a man who is kind and caring. We want someone to come home to at the end of the day who is our best friend. Women want a partner, an equal. Above all, we want someone who makes us feel good.

2. Brains, Brains, Brains
Intelligence is sexy. Women are captivated by smart men. Whether it’s informing us about the newest restaurant opening or teaching us something we didn’t know about baseball, we like someone we can learn from. We’re attracted to a man who can teach us something. Women enjoy feeling enlightened.

3. A Sense of Humor
Being funny makes you more attractive to women. There’s no science to it, it’s just a fact. 100 percent of women appreciate a man who is witty. If you can make a woman laugh, she’ll almost always think you’re awesome.

4. Someone with Confidence
Women like men who are confident. When you’re sure of yourself, and your actions show that, women are naturally drawn to you. Women are attracted to men who know they’re great.

5. Charisma
Charisma is defined as having swagger, being spunky, possessing a certain je ne sais quois, or my personal favorite, not seeming vanilla-like. Whichever definition you prefer, all women love a man who is charming. When you have a big personality, women find you irresistible.

6. Balance
Leading a balanced lifestyle is important. Women enjoy dating a man who can do it all. We want to date someone who can prioritize his job, family, friends, and a relationship. We’re drawn to men who make time for us and show us that we’re an essential part of their life.

7. A Good Listener
A man who is a good listener is a true catch. Because women are more emotional than men, we love to share. We can talk for hours. We have tons of stories to tell and we want you to listen to all of them. If you can listen to a woman, and I mean genuinely listen, pat yourself on the back.

8. True Thoughtfulness
Women are enticed by thoughtful men. Being thoughtful doesn’t mean whisking us away to Miami on a third date. And although we’d certainly love that, it isn’t necessary! Being thoughtful means showing us that you care. If we mention we love a certain restaurant, surprise us and plan a date there. If we say we love a particular flower, bring us those flowers on the next date. If we tell you that we’re eager to see a specific movie or play, get tickets and take us. A man who’s considerate is very sexy.

9. An Easygoing Nature
We want to date someone we can bring anywhere. If we’re at a business dinner at Per Se, we want to date a man who can go with the flow and be fancy. When clients invite us to a box at a sports game, we want to date someone who can keep up with the lingo. I won’t give you ten more examples because hopefully you get the point! We enjoy dating men who can be comfortable in any situation.

10. A Put-Together Man

Being put together and looking presentable is essential. Women want to date a man who is well dressed. A nice outfit can make you so much more attractive! I’m personally a sucker for a man in a nice suit or a colored button down with a sweater. If you’re well dressed and put together, you’re showing the world that you value yourself and how you look.

If you’re worried about “having to be it all,” just remember that at the end of the day, women mostly want to fall in love with someone who makes them feel special and important. Ensure those two qualities are being met, and you’ll be one step closer to finding your dream woman.

Carly Spindel is the Vice President of Janis Spindel Serious Matchmaking Inc. She has seen the matchmaking business firsthand since she was 6 years old. As the daughter of Janis Spindel, Carly has been called mini Janis since she could walk and has learned the inside tricks of the trade from Janis! Carly has been matching her own clients for the past 4 years, and runs Janis’ Express Matchmaking and Junior Matchmaking divisions. You can learn more about Carly and Janis Spindel Serious Matchmaking Inc. at www.JanisSpindelMatchmaker.com.
  1. Great article, and thanks for the reaffirmation of what women really want.
    Although I have read this before, and agree with most of it, I think it is difficult for older men to adjust to meet these traits. At some point in life you are what you are and to attempt to be something you are not just comes across as phony. So for men, you just have to be who you are and try to adjust where you can naturally. New relationships call for being more attentive naturally to learn about the women. The hard part is continuing to display these traits after you have heard most of the stories, understand the personality and how it was formed, and life becomes a repeated script. My grandfather once told me the difference between a rut and the grave was the size of the hole. Ruts becomes habits, habits become boring, and before you know it the relationship is in the grave. Keep it fresh, both men and women.

  2. O Please…. the first thing a jdate girl wants to know is what a guy does for a living ….AKA – how much money do you make. Why do we pretend that’s not true !

  3. Make-believe. Women want security. And the best security is a well-padded bank account. Everything else is optional accessory.

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