I was not stood up for my senior prom. I strongly believe that this was achieved by my implementation of my super-intricate monitoring system. I did not let my date out of my peripheral sight for the three weeks leading up to the dance. I basically constantly stared at her. The hardest parts of this were watching her sleep and trusting that when she was in the bathroom she wouldn’t escape through the window. She never did. That girl was a keeper.

Despite a flawed life, I had yet to be stood up coming into last weekend. By this point in my life, I pretty much automatically assume that girls do not want a second date with me, and any communication at all after we separate after the first date is a complete win. This is why the events last weekend did not at all affect me. After our first date a few weeks ago, she had expressed interest in seeing me again. I remember thinking, “Okay Jeremy. She talked to you after the date. You’ve already won. Anything that happens after this is a bonus. Now go to bed. Wait! Brush your teeth first, dammit.”

So we had agreed to meet at a specified restaurant at a specified time. I suppose I wasn’t really stood up. After I suggested the place, she never responded with a text or a call. So it’s not like I went to the restaurant and she just never showed. If that had happened, I would have simply eaten alone, enjoying only myself and the friendly banter with the waitstaff. That actually sounds better than what actually happened, which was just me lying in bed all evening, enjoying friendly banter with my television.

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