Finally – you’ve met someone on JDate! You went on a first date, and you kind of liked each other. Then you went on a second date, and you liked each other a little more. You went on a third date, and thoughts of exclusivity started permeating your mind. So, when is it time to take down your online dating profile? Should it be after a certain number of dates? Or, after you’ve had “the talk”? Maybe it should happen after you’ve changed your Facebook® status to “in a relationship” (the tell-tale sign for younger people these days)?  Or, is unsubscribing from online dating site emails enough?

In this day and age, when virtually everything we do is online, how you portray your relationship status to the world is almost as important as the relationship itself. No one wants to be on the receiving end of an email from a friend saying, “I don’t know how to say this, but your new guy/girl is still on JDate and appears to have logged in within three days.” It makes your heart sink.

I’m a firm believer in emailing and dating many different people initially to see who’s out there. At some point, though, when you think you’ve found the right person, it might be time to scale back on your online dating life, choosing to enjoy your offline dating life instead. When you get to that point, unfortunately, there is no predetermined protocol as to when it’s appropriate to take down your profile, but there are two pieces of common sense that you should follow:

  • Don’t log into JDate immediately after a date. Even if you didn’t like your date, try to show some respect by not logging in until the next day. That way, you’re not rubbing it in the other person’s face that you need to immediately check out your other options.
  • When things start to get serious with someone (even before you’ve discussed your relationship status), it’s a good idea to minimize your online dating usage to give the relationship a chance to bloom.

Many people continue responding to emails during that initial period in a relationship, perhaps saying something like:

Thanks so much for the nice email.  I’ve actually “met” someone on this site, and I am going to try and concentrate on this new person and see if that can develop into a real relationship.  I can’t really handle the multiple communications.  Thanks again for writing, and good luck to you!

My question for those of you who think you’re just being polite is: Why are you still actively answering emails? If you really want to see where the relationship is going, then stop logging in to your online dating account!

And finally, when you’re ready to be exclusive with someone, the only surefire way to make sure you’re both on the same page is to openly discuss taking your profile down.  Heck, you could even have a “profile deletion party” with a glass of wine in hand.  That actually sounds like a pretty fun date!  In the meantime, don’t forget these online dating profile tips.

Erika Ettin is the Founder of A Little Nudge, where she helps people navigate the world of online dating. Her services include: writing unique profiles to get you noticed, helping to choose your best profile pictures, writing one-of-a-kind emails to get someone’s attention, and planning dates. Want to connect with Erika? Join her newsletter for updates and tips.
  1. This is a great website. Am I allowed to be on it since I am a grandmother of 4 precious children. I would still like to meet Mr. “right” My husband was not Jewish so if I ever marry again I would like the man to be Jewish. But having a relationship with a Jewish man would be fine, too. It doesn’t necessarily have to lead to marriage. I’m not sure if I REALLY want to be married again.

    Judy Cohen Wilson,

  2. I hope that I will find a Jewish man to date on this site. I’m not sure if I really want to be married again.

    Judy Cohen Wilson

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