How many dates have you been on that ended with a kiss that made you feel fireworks that tingled all the way down to the ends of your fingers and toes? Probably not a lot but enough that it may be confusing.
How do you determine when someone is a good kisser versus an actual quality dating prospect? And if a kiss does not create that fireworks sensation, should you disregard the date altogether? Feeling butterflies in your tummy and tingles in your toes is exciting, but you shouldn’t rely solely on that feeling to figure it out.
First Kiss Flatliner
A first date is coming to a natural end, and there has been constant conversation where you found similarities and laughed quite a bit. You both seemed to enjoy yourselves and, although you don’t always give or accept a kiss on a first date, you want to this time. So when your date goes in for the goodnight smooch and you don’t feel anything, it’s a huge letdown. But don’t give up.
First dates are nerve-wracking enough without measuring the success of a date based on one short kiss. If you had a great date, then give the kissing chemistry another chance. Allow the connection to build and often (but not always), the chemistry will follow. A Brandeis University study has shown that arranged marriages, where a couple was placed together due to their commonalities, were more successful than those that began based on lust. As trust builds between a couple, you can learn what pleases your partner.
First Kiss Fireworks
So what about those dates that were good enough to warrant a kiss at the end of the night and it’s the fireworks the kiss created that are truly out of this world? That feeling is exhilarating and can help propel a prospect from average to extraordinary. The concern here is to make sure that you take the time to get to know your date so the connection matches the chemistry. It’s easy to spend a subsequent date making out because it feels so damn good, but how much have you really gotten to know the person at this point, aside from knowing what kind of gum they chew? The chemistry will eventually fizzle out if there’s nothing there to support it long-term.
In both scenarios, it’s about trusting your intuition over time. If the connection is there but the first date didn’t give you the tingly sensation you were hoping for, don’t give up. And if a kiss made your toes go numb but you’re not sure there’s enough there to bond over, don’t give up. Both of these scenarios are reasons to continue dating someone. It’s easy to recognize a bad date that has no connection and no chemistry, so when you have one or the other give it a chance before ruling out a prospect.
Of course, it would be naive of me not to assume that some dates end up being a means to an end with great sex and are not meant to be anything more than that. And that’s okay. Not every first date has to turn into marriage, or even a second date for that matter. Sometimes it just is what it is – just be sure to protect your heart in the process and be clear with your intentions.
You may also be interested in Why Didn’t It Work: When Your Date Looks Good On Paper, But Sparks Don’t Fly