It’s one thing to assume your ex has moved on, but it’s another to know for a fact that he or she has found someone new and is in a happy relationship. If you didn’t have the closure you wanted with this person, even if you’re in a new relationship yourself, it might still sting a bit when you find out via social media or a mutual friend that he or she has officially moved on. So, what do you do?

Keep Your Cool

First and foremost, it’s important to talk about what NOT to do when you find out this upsetting news about your ex:

• Do not proceed to stalk your ex and his/her new flame on Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/Snapchat. This will only drive you nuts, and it’s also just a bit creepy.
• Do not ask your mutual friends for all the details on their new relationship and on this new significant other of theirs.
• Do not befriend their new significant other.
• Do not waste your time or energy thinking about their new relationship. You’ve already broken up, so hopefully you’ve already “mourned the loss” of this person and your relationship. Just continue moving on.
• Do not freak out.

While you may be inclined to partake in the aforementioned don’ts, try your best not to. I know it can be a bit difficult to find out that someone you were once in a relationship with is now happily in another relationship (or maybe even engaged or married), especially if you still have feelings for this person or if you’re not in a new relationship yourself. However, you need to remind yourself that your relationship ended for a reason. Remind yourself of why your relationship ended and how it was not meant to be. Acknowledge that the only reason you’re likely thinking about your ex a lot now is because they are in a new relationship. As mentioned above, just continue moving on.

Let It Go

If moving on doesn’t come easily and you’re still feeling tempted to try everything on the “don’ts” list above, try these “dos” instead:

• Do vent to your close friends, but only once.
• Do take a few minutes to think about this news you just found out about, but only give yourself a few minutes, at maximum, to do so.
• Do keep inappropriate thoughts (i.e. “I hope their relationship doesn’t work out!” or “He/She doesn’t deserve happiness ever.”) to yourself. Try thinking positively instead.
• Do be mature if you run into your ex and their new partner.

I won’t tell you that you shouldn’t feel anything at all when you find out the news that an ex is in a new relationship or is now married. I get it; you were once happily dating this person, and now they are happily with someone else. That’s not always the best feeling. However, you just need to keep telling yourself that even if they weren’t with this person, you still wouldn’t be with them. Remember, you broke up for a reason, and maybe this is the kick in the butt you need to really move on.

You may also be interested in 5 Tips For Getting Over A Breakup Jewish-Style