Dear Gems from Jen,

I am a bit confused. Before our first date, my date asks me if we are going to dinner. Not wanting to sound cheap, I agree.

We go to a nice restaurant and my date orders three courses.  When I emailed her for another date, I got no response.

The question: Ladies, if you know you are not going to go out with a man again, do you think it is fair to make him pay the entire bill?

Maybe you should offer to split the bill?

I am not cheap, but it makes me feel like a fool…like I was taken advantage of. Makes you not want to ever take a first date out for more than one quick drink.

Your thoughts?

Dear Mark,

It sounds to me like you were taken advantage of on this particular date. If this woman had any manners she would have at least responded, thanked you for a nice dinner, and told you she was not interested.  That would have been common courtesy in my opinion.

My thoughts regarding paying the tab are as follows; I believe whoever makes the invite should be responsible for the bill. In my own experience, I generally offer to pay and always make sure I have enough cash with me to cover, at the very least, my share. A first date isn’t really about the food or drinks; it is about getting to know someone. It is about the experience.

If you are going to feel resentment when paying the entire bill on a first date, then I think it is in your own best interest to invite your date for coffee, appetizers or a drink. Forego the dinner.

I think each woman has her own opinion regarding money and dating. However, I do agree with you. If a woman knows she is not interested in a second date she should not be extravagant or she should pay her own share of the meal.

It sounds to me as if you are lucky that she did not respond to your invitation for a second date.  Would you really want to date someone like this? There are countless women who would feel very fortunate to be treated to a nice dinner. 

Keep up the search and don’t let one bad experience ruin your chances for meeting the one who is right for you.


Gems from Jen