Dear Gems from Jen,

I met a very nice man on JDate who lost his wife 18 months ago. He said that he still loves his wife, and he feels that we have a great potential, but at the same time he feels that he met me a little too soon. Sometimes I feel that he pushes me away and then the next day he shows me deep affection. He is the only man between all my dates that I really like, but I do not know how to handle this situation. I need your direction.

Dear Widower,

This has got to be a very confusing situation not just for you, but for him as well. You are receiving very mixed messages, which tend to lead to hurt feelings and unrealistic expectations. It sounds as if he has made it clear with his words, but not so clear with his actions. It does appear from what you have told me as if he is still somewhere in the grieving process. My best suggestion would be to have a completely honest conversation with this man. Let him know how you are truly feeling and ask him what it is he is looking for in terms of a relationship with you. You will have to make a decision if you are willing to meet him where he is at. He may not be ready for a serious, committed relationship. If you are looking for this type of relationship, you may need to make the decision to find someone who is ready. Pushing him into something that he is not ready for will only backfire. Do yourself a favor and make sure if you choose to stick it out with this guy you look at all of the different outcomes. Keep in mind your feelings are just as important as his.

Gems from Jen