A lot of people ask me how to use “Preferences” and “My Ideal Match” on JDate. Should they answer the questions as broad as possible and then narrow it down from there based on level of importance? Or, should they answer as strict and narrow as possible — in essence creating their idealized, perfect (unrealistic?) match — and then broaden the areas of least importance?
It looks like this:
Scenario #1 — The Broad Answer (ie. casting a wide net)
- location: with 100 miles
- age range: 5 years younger, 10 years older
- marital status: single or divorced
- kids: has/wants/any
- education: BA and above
- religion: all except Orthodox options
- smoking: no
- drinking: yes
- height: 5’10+
- body style: any
- activity level: any
- kosher: no or to some extent
- willing to relocate: maybe
Scenario #2 — The Strict Answer (ie. your perfect vision)
- location: within 25 miles
- age range: 1 year younger, 4 years older
- marital status: single
- kids: wants
- education: MA/JD/PhD
- religion: Conservative
- smoking: no
- drinking: socially
- height: 6’+
- body style: athletic/fit
- activity level: active and above
- kosher: no
- willing to relocate: no
In the 1st scenario you would get a huge return with possibly 100s of prospects to sift through. In the 2nd scenario you may get just one pageful, which is maybe a dozen prospects to choose from (if any). In order to eliminate the ones in scenario #1 you would begin narrowing down location to 50 miles, then age to a 10-year range, then being more specific about activity level and/or body type. In order to see more options in scenario #2 you would broaden the mileage to 50 miles, expand the age range to a 10-year spread, include those who have a college degree (even if it’s not higher education), and be open to someone with a few extra pounds to lose.
Is there a right way or a wrong way? No, not necessarily. In fact, I think you should try both ways. First make your own list of what your ideal is and then what you would compromise on. Does someone truly need to be 6′ tall or would 5’11 suffice? If you keep kosher then that would probably not be one that you would be willing to negotiate on. Once you’ve made your two lists, plug one in first, then the other, and see what your results are. Based on which appeals to you more, use that approach and then start your narrowing or broadening. Remember, relationships are a lot about compromise so this is good practice for later!