Okay, it’s here. The day you’ve all been looking forward to. If you’re a florist or dentist. The day we can finally stop noticing Hallmark displays that kvell over affection that nearly equals my passion for looking the other way in response to public displays of affection. Update: Hallmark just replaced them with Passover cards. Why live in the present when you can live in the warm and fuzzy near future?

Months ago I recorded Valentine’s Day, the movie, because venting while watching something you suspect will get on your nerves can be therapeutic. I’ve yet to set foot near it. Why do I diss both the holiday and the movie I’ve not yet seen? Because I’m not currently running slow motion through a field of daisies, that’s why.

The first time audiences watched people running slow motion through a field of daisies: “Aww. They must be in love. How sweet.” The second and subsequent times audiences watched people running slow motion through a field of daisies: “Hope this popcorn tub doubles as a vomit bag.”

I’m done venting. Have fun tonight, all you observers of the holiday. For the rest of you – happy Passover.