I am a simple creature. As long as I have food, a place to sleep, and a good glass of ice to chew on, I can last longer than most people can last before finally murdering their cat. Without a job, I could successfully stay within the same four square foot space for an entire winter. I realize that Houston winters are extremely short, but they are long enough for most people to become very miserable confined to a four square foot space.

I think that this is why, though I have a job and am no longer fat, I am just fine living with my dad and step-sister. Of course it’s not fun telling women that you live with your dad. However, if I was to move out, it would just be too much work. All of the putting things into boxes. And then putting those boxes into a car. And then driving to the new place. And then moving the boxes into the new place. If you don’t want to do that, you can choose to hire movers. This is even worse, because, as a sheltered little Jewish boy, I just feel guilty the whole time that they have to do manual labor carrying all my shit.

I hate change. That’s why I didn’t vote for Obama, even though I’m a Democrat. I don’t think it’s a lack of motivation. I’m motivated enough. I go to the gym everyday. I use my turn signal. I’m just right at the point where I’m content enough with my life that I don’t really want anything else. I never really liked things, either. I’m okay with a crappy cell phone and a car that is capable of just getting me there. I want to settle. If you’re a woman, I will totally be okay with that. I will love you. Just be a woman. Come on.