One of the hardest things about dating is the rejection. You work up the nerve to meet someone new, get all dressed up and head out on a date knowing there’s only a chance your date will like you enough to see you again. And if they don’t, it can hurt.

Rejection, however, is par for the course when it comes to dating since most dates probably won’t end in marriage. So, it’s best to develop a healthy context about rejection in order to ensure it doesn’t stop you from finding love. Here are 5 important tips to help you do just that:

1. Don’t Reject Yourself in the Process

Like in any endeavor, it’s important to like yourself and to know the many valuable things you will offer a partner. Just like in a job interview, someone else may get the job for many reasons, but this doesn’t mean you’re not wonderful and excellent at what you do! You just need to keep looking for the right fit for you. We often make dating too personal; that’s why it’s important to remember who you are and what you can offer the right person.

2. Remember, It’s Probably Not About You

In my first book, Dating from the Inside Out, I discuss how we’re often attracted to dates who unconsciously remind us of our opposite-sex parent. So, if you’re sweet and shy, but your date’s mom was aggressive and critical, he may not be attracted to you because you aren’t like his mom! Why someone rejects you often has more to do with them – their blueprint, psyche and what they find attractive – and it doesn’t mean you aren’t terrific.

3. Dating is a Numbers Game

The best writers are constantly rejected before finally being published. In fact, it was suggested that NYC literary agencies only represent 1 out of every 4000 manuscripts (and out of those, how many get published?). Yet, we think lasting love should come quickly and easily – like in the movies. One survey I once read said a woman will date 24 men before marriage, but in my experience, that number is often higher. So, accept the fact that dating is a process for finding a great prize and you will have to do your due diligence. Then, put in the work.

4. Practice the Three-Date Rule

Do you dismiss prospective matches too quickly? Consider whether you say no to dates out of your own limiting beliefs. Is it possible you could be wrong? If so, you could be dismissing someone great without taking the time to get to know them. In my book, Dating from the Inside Out, I suggest that if there are no red flags, you should give everyone three dates before you dismiss them.

5. Pay Attention to Your Patterns

Although I’ve said rejection is not always about you, there can be times when dating is an opportunity to learn about yourself. We often have defensive dating styles that protect us from getting hurt in love, but they can push people away. Some daters are overly critical and they can appear cold or needy. Think about what you unconsciously do to push love away so that you can begin to change it. Remember, the one thing you can change is you!

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a psychologist and the author of “Dating from the Inside Out” and “When Mars Women Date.” She also works as a love coach in Manhattan and does phone coaching on dating and relationships. Learn more at:
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