Dear Tamar,

I met a girl on JDate about a month ago and we have been seeing each other a lot – like 4-5 times a week. It’s felt natural, but I’m concerned that we’re moving too fast. How do I slow it down without her thinking I’m not interested and inadvertently ending the relationship?

—Fast-Mover

 

Dear Fast-Mover,

This is actually a common conundrum. You don’t want to mess with the flow and you do look forward to seeing the person again as soon as possible, but when you take a step back you realize that it’s only been a month yet feels like it’s been 6 months or more you get a bit freaked out. This isn’t a bad thing, but most have us have probably been burned by moving too fast and slowing things down is not a bad idea. So how do you do it?

Have a talk and be honest. If you really, truly like the girl and aren’t doubting the relationship, then perhaps state that you want to make it official that you’re in a monogamous, committed relationship and that said, you also need to make sure you’re not abandoning work, working out, friends, family and hobbies. Let her know that you are all-in and excited to see where the relationship goes and so you want to slow things down a bit and make sure that you have quality dates versus quantity. You will need to reassure her with positivity so that she knows you’re not trying to play her. And commit to what you said you would do by making future plans on the spot.

 

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