Dear Tamar,
I’m turning 28 this year and have never been in a serious relationship… in fact, I don’t have any dating experience at all. I’ve always had my nose in books to be honest, and didn’t really have high self-esteem growing up. Now I feel like I’ve come into my own. After being in school for the past 25 years and collecting some really impressive degrees – and now gaining some pretty substantial success in life – I am ready to put myself out there. The problem is, I don’t know how to present the fact that I’m the real-life version of “Never Been Kissed.” Help!
—Never Been Kissed
Dear Never Been Kissed,
Congratulations on all your successes, and especially on gaining self esteem! That’s awesome! You do not need to talk about your lack of experience in your JDate profile, nor do you need to discuss it with dating prospects. You can simply state that you haven’t been in a serious relationship because you haven’t found anyone worthy while you were busy working hard to achieve your dreams.
Meanwhile, I suggest you accept every date invitation you receive in order to get some practice. Once you get more serious with a specific suitor then you can perhaps let him know more about your lack of experience. Any man that really likes you won’t care… and if he does, then good riddance!
For solutions to any dating dilemma, submit your questions to Dear Tamar online.
It is sad that “lack of experience” is considered a fault by some. But be encouraged that there are some who believe it is not only a good attribute but even a REQUIRED one! I have two friends who both required that prospective spouses had never kissed anyone. Thankfully they met each other and had many more things in common. They were in their thirtys when they met and now have three children.
I had been married and divorced twice (both abusive). Then I went to college and got a degree while I raised my kids. I got a job with benefits and it was my turn to have an equal democratic relationship. I was ready! My mother liked him. Then he turned out to be an alcoholic abuser. I was so disappointed. My point is that it doesn’t matter how much experience you have. I didn’t see the flags (I guess I have issues with that).
Dear Sheri
I suggest that you read the tips on Yid-Dish on J Date . There are many
suggestions that relate to similar situations. You cannot believe all
that you hear and feel from your partner, men often say things to get
what they want. I have personal experience with friends of mine that
make a point of leading on there partner until all excuses and lies have
ran out !
After 25 years of Marriage I realized the more important things in a
relationship and what I would like out of it.After going thru divorce
recently one of the things on J date I read was to make a list of the
Things you want out of a relationship and highlights of your future
partner.This will help you from being venerable and make a better
decisions.
Avi