Initial dates most often happen based on physical attraction. After the first date, a set of ideas are established — some based on previous experiences and preconceived notions. I urge you to always go out for a second date for the following three reasons:

1.    By the second date the two of you are somewhat familiar with each other
2.    There is less tension and nervousness, which leaves more room for a connection to develop
3.    The standard routine questions are out of the way, leaving more room to learn and have fun

Most of us have an idea of what we want from a potential partner. However, as time goes on we meet more and more people with diverse backgrounds that may sway our original thoughts of who our “perfect match” may actually be.

If a woman just wants to become a homemaker and take care of her kids, meeting a world traveler might introduce her to a fresh, enlightening perspective. This is where intuition also plays a role. It isn’t about following “rules.” It’s about having fun and finding out what will work out best for you. Relationships are an investment. Some of us are bigger risk-takers than others. So, how do we decide if he or she is “The One?”

Attraction is absolutely important. It is what draws two people together in the first place. Compatibility, however, makes the relationship work. And then there’s chemistry, which makes the relationship last.

How does this person make you feel when you are around them? Do you feel inspired? Lustful? Confused? Comfortable?  Usually most of the signs are there in the beginning. These signs are important in order to avoid heartache. For example, if someone is constantly talking about himself or herself on the first date, don’t expect them to change.

If you are looking for a husband or wife, but find yourself playing hard to get just to tease someone, expect a dishonest relationship in general. Your potential partner should basically feel like a great friend and be treated as one. You should be yourself without fear of judgment, or having to explain yourself.

In dating, there is no right or wrong. Communication should flow. Always separate fantasy from reality. Either accept your date/mate for who they are, or move on to the next one.

If someone is a workaholic, they will probably be that way for a long time. I often hear about women who complain of their boyfriend or spouse not spending enough time with them because of work. Compromises should be communicated in the early stages of dating. Be sure to establish your independence early on. You are looking for someone to relate to, not control. You are looking to share your happiness, your uniqueness, and your gift, and, most importantly, your love.

Good luck, you can do it!

Janis Spindel is just 2 Marriages shy of 1000, and she has been in business for 21 years! Specializing in pairing up upscale clientele who are well-educated, sophisticated, attractive professionals, including public figures and celebrities, this self-proclaimed Cupid in a Chanel suit is no-nonsense when it comes to the business of “getting people married.” For more info on Janis, check out
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