The elusive Homing Pigeon is a man who reeks of wanting to get married and can be spotted from a mile away. The Homing Pigeon is your perfect catch if you’re looking for a serious relationship.  As we learned in How to Spot a Homing Pigeon – Part I, the first seven ways to spot a homing pigeon are: siblings married, own house/condo, suburbs, has career together, talks about nieces/nephews, plans/pays for dates, and values exclusivity.

Here goes Part II…tricks 8-14 to determine if he’s just looking to play around or to put a very expensive ring on your finger:

8.   Friends are married:  This is huge.  A man whose friends are married will take a look around, and realize it’s time for him to get serious about finding love.  Also, if he asks you to hang out with his married friends, it shows he’s not afraid of that next step.

9.   Is older than 28:  A man over 28 is more likely to be “dating for marriage,” meaning dating to find a future wife.  Of course there are guys under 28 who think about marriage, but it gets less common the younger you go.  Although guys at 24 may be in it for the long haul with the right girl, it may still take him much longer to propose because marriage is not on his immediate “to-do” list (you are though!). Depending on your own urgency to get married, date at your own risk.

10.   Kisses you, but nothing more on the first/second date:  A man looking to get married knows that sex early on does not lead to marriage. Most men know that it’s no fun to marry a slut.  If you are that girl who gets around, then just pretend you’re not that girl…

11.   Balding:  Baruch hashem that Jewish men seem to go bald at a higher rate than everyone else. If it weren’t for male-pattern baldness, they would all remain playboys until death, none would marry other Jews, and our race would die out. If you see a guy who’s balding, then it’s a great time to start a relationship with him, because his ego will be taking a blow. You can be the sexy vixen who makes him feel young like a Fabio-stein (but obviously without all the hair). Not attracted to the Yul Brynner look? Just remember that the man you marry may eventually go bald anyway, so make yourself attracted to that look!

12.  No Online Games:  A Homing Pigeon takes his online dating profile seriously. He’ll write more than one line and his profile tells you about who he is and what he’s looking for. There will be some classy pictures posted (maybe a picture dressed as a groomsman?)  And don’t forget a picture with a niece/nephew or two…yes guys really do this.  You also won’t be receiving any emails that begin “hey beautiful” from the Homing Pigeon.

13.   Frugal: The man looking for a wife and kids isn’t spending money on crazy cars he can’t afford.  Instead, he’s saving for a ring for the right girl and for his children’s college educations.  And although he’s saving for your future, he doesn’t mind spending a few shekels on dates to impress what could be his future wife.

14.    Meet the parents…and friends:  A man who is serious about getting serious will place a high value on you meeting his friends and family.  He genuinely cares that you get to know them…and that his mother doesn’t hate you.

So, this article was supposed to be signs 7-14.  But here we’re at #14, and there are a two more to add…Why deprive you, right?

15.  Inquires about your future:  A Homing Pigeon doesn’t waste his time with a girl who’s moving from NY to Cali in a week.  He has the mindset of a 40-yr old woman who cuts to the chase. The Homing Pigeon absolutely thinks about where he wants to live in the future and needs definite answers about where you plan on living and whether you (or he) would be willing to relocate.

16.  Divorced:  He got married once, surely he’d do it again!  There’s no “he’s afraid of commitment” excuses here, because, clearly, he’s not afraid of commitment.  It also shows that he sincerely attempted at a healthy relationship and isn’t bound to the bachelor lifestyle.  Obviously, proceed with caution to ensure he’s emotionally ready to date.

Go forth armed with the tools to distinguish a Homing Pigeon from the rest of the flock of pigeons nipping at your heels.  Let all the playboys fly away and recognize and keep the ones looking for meaningful relationships.  Hope this helps and feel free to leave comments below with more ways to spot Homing Pigeons.

Ms. Avi is author of the dating guide for Jewish women Secrets of Shiksa Appeal: Eight Steps to Attract Your Shul-Mate. Find out more and like her page on Facebook at Secrets of Shiksa Appeal. Available on in soft/hardcover and Kindle.
  1. Ladies, please don’t take Avi’s advice as words of wisdom, otherwise, guys who generally want to be married like myself, certainly don’t follow his steps, at least not all of them! There would be a lot less marriages if Avi’s advice was followed!

  2. There might be a hint of sarcasm in this article, but Daniel, I have to agree with a few of Ms. Avi’s hints.

    A man who introduces you to his married friends is definately more open then a man who just hangs out with his guys in Vegas. The man looking for marriage is going to be exclusive with you if you’re the right person, because he is looking for something serious.

    The owning a house or condo thing is semi legit depending on location (in NYC maybe not since everything is so expensive.) But no single man not thinking about marriage is going to buy the 3-bedroom condo/house unless he’s thinking about the future!

  3. Avi, can you please write an article for a guy to spot a lady who wants to marry. I have add over 100 1st coffee JDates with no second date and I have tried! I happen to be friendly, handsome and considerate too!

  4. Dear Jeff,
    Question #1: Are your picture/profile honest?
    Question #2: Are your pictures recent?
    Question #3: Are you an engaging conversationalist?
    Question #4: Are you only contacting women who are out of your league or not age appropriate?

    I don’t know anything about you, but sometimes men looking for marriage (who are late 30’s-40’s) come off wreaking of wanting to get married. They look at the date not as an excuse to have fun and meet someone new, but they treat it as an interview.

    You should ask for honest feedback from the women you’ve had first dates with and ask what you could do to improve your skills or appearance. Feel free to email me and we can discuss further.

    Ms. Avi

  5. I dated someone for years who couldn’t commit but for whom I could check off most of these categories–owned his apt; didn’t insist on sex right away; had married friends and family and wanted me to meet them; mid-30s; very interested in me and my life. Although he had a full head of hair…so that’s where I went wrong!

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