They say opposites attract for good reason, but every four years couples that sit on different ends of the political spectrum find themselves wishing they had done what their mother suggested and found a nice, likeminded Republican/Democrat to settle down with instead.

However, election season does not have to spell the end for your inter-political union if you can follow some simple, sensible guidelines.


Political beliefs are often bred rather than made. I can’t tell you how many of my friends check their ballot based on how their family always voted, versus what they actually believe. As with any of your mate’s traits that you dislike, trying to change them will only make you crazy. Best to just let them bask in their ignorance.


Some couples who differ regarding issues get a thrill over the political debate.  They watch Real Time with Bill Maher or The O’Reilly Factor together to fuel a passionate dispute about the benefits of Obamacare or their outrage over runaway debt. But, in an instant, those little digs can hit a chord and the next thing you know, someone’s sleeping on the couch. Get yourself two separate iPads® and revel in your own political correctness in the privacy of your own screen.


If you’re passionate about your political position, you need a group of likeminded individuals that you can kibitz with. Don’t force your partner into engaging in debates or hearing your rant about the bailout. Find others who share your view, get a beer together, and tell your partner you’ll see them in the morning.


The most injurious thing you can do to the relationship is to say, “I told you so” when your candidate wins. As much as you might want to, and as much as it is probably warranted, celebrate quietly when you’re together.


Money is already the #1 thing that couples argue about, and nothing gets under a spouse’s skin more than wasting their money—which is certainly how they will view your throwing it at the opponent’s campaign. If you have a shared bank account, invest your time to canvass, make phone calls or run spreadsheets instead. It’s still extremely valuable and can come from you – and you alone.

If all else fails, follow the advice of Republican strategist Mary Matalin who says the secrets to a strong cross-political relationship are faith, family, and good wine.

Then again, if you ask her husband James Carville, a Democratic strategist, and he would say surrender, capitulation, and retreat. Whether you fight it out, booze it up or just rollover and play dead, you may just have to agree to disagree this election season.

Dear Mrs D is an online dating strategist who has been seen on Fox, NBC and CBS, and has written an eBook called, “D is for Dating: A Guide to Successful Online Dating.” She also covers a variety of dating topics on her new radio & TV show, “Dates & Mates with Dear Mrs D” which streams live at 2 PM PST every Friday on, and on Blog Talk Radio at 4 PM PST on Tuesdays.
  1. being conservative….I just have nothing in common with liberal women. Unfortunatly, most jewish women are liberal which forces me to date women outside the tribe too……..ex. a conservative questions why a murderer did what he did……..a liberal questions what society did to make him do what he did

  2. Thanks Pauly for the kind words. I am taken but the good news is that I met my hubby online. Hopefully you will also find the perfect match for you here!

  3. Jimbo – You are right that it isn’t easy to make a cross-political relationship work. A common belief system is something that bonds couples more than shared hobbies and interests. I’m not sure what geographic area you are in but you might want to try searching in a location where there is a high concentration of conservatives if that is something that is important to you. The beauty of online dating is that you can find your ideal match anywhere in the world!

  4. While this article is well written, the real problem is getting to to that first step. Politics is my business, but I leave it out of my personal life and do not bring it up on dates. However, so many people find out a person’s views and then turn hostile.

    This is “ideological bigotry,” and is just as pernicious as racial or ethnic bigotry. The world would be better off if more people who were passionate about their politics and religion would be respectful of others and not jump to conclusions.


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