As a psychologist and dating coach I’ve always viewed dating as a transformative spiritual process — not a miserable one.  We learn a lot from our relationships as mirrors, however brief.  Below I will list how following some Universal laws can affect your dating success:

     1.  The Law of Attraction 

We attract our vibration back to ourselves. So, if you’re thoughts, feelings and actions are aligned with your loving Higher Self, you will eventually attract your match in return. You just need to make sure your fears, negativity, defenses and past relationship fears don’t interfere. My first book, Dating from the Inside Out, can help anyone who is struggling with this.

     2.  The Law of Correspondence

Your outer reality reflects your inner world. So if you think all men will betray you, you may set up that pattern and unconsciously attract men who fit your expectation. Thus, it is good to examine your beliefs about love, dating, and the opposite sex — and make sure they are positive.

     3.  The Law of Resistance 

What you resist, persists. This means if you hate dating and avoid taking any action, you may end up alone. If you say you want a relationship, let your action and feelings support that desire.

     4.  The Law of Projection 

All of us is projected back through our experiences. I once wrote an article called ‘What You Can Learn from Dating Mr. Wrong,’ and although no one wants these kinds of dates, they can be stepping stones to our spiritual growth. What we strongly dislike in someone can sometimes be something that we disown in ourselves. What we idealize in someone else can be part of ourselves we have yet to express or fully develop. So, instead of just considering it a wasted date, see how you’re triggered by someone new and whether it can help you to learn anything about yourself!

     5.  The Law of Intention 

The universe supports your intention. Know why you are dating and let it be known. People date for all sorts of reasons: for sex, fun, companionship, a long-term relationship, to learn about themselves in a relationship, for marriage and possibly other reasons. Don’t assume everyone one is on the same page as you, and don’t waste a lot of time with someone who won’t be going the same direction. Know your intention for dating and when the time seems right make this clear. The right person will match your intention.

     6.  The Law of Karma 

Good energy is returned to you. In Dating from the Inside Out I mentioned dating karma. Treat your dates as you would like to be treated, whether you end up with them or not, because it’s the right thing to do… and what goes around comes around.

     7.  The Law of Affirmation 

You bring about the thoughts you affirm. So, say positive things about yourself and about dating and the opposite sex. Also, make sure the words you use on your dates are powerful and positive.

     8.  The Law of Symmetry 

We often come across opposites so that we can become more whole ourselves. I’ve seen many couples who are opposite. She may be very goal-oriented and he is super mellow. At first they felt that they encouraged each other to develop those under-developed parts of themselves, but if that did not happen, down the road these couples often complain about why the other person isn’t more like them. So, if you choose a partner like you, take the opportunity to grow and to embrace polarities in yourself. Then you won’t need to change your mate or for them to complete you.

Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, dating coach and author of the upcoming, “The Book of Sacred Baths,” published by Llewellyn, “Dating from the Inside Out,” published by Atria Books, and others. She won 15 book awards and her books are translated into five languages. She’s an expert in JDate’s JMag, Eligible Magazine and Digital Romance. She’s been an expert on television shows like the CBS Early Show & the AM Northwest Early Show and a radio guest on the Curtis Sliwa show, Pathways and others. Dr. Sherman was quoted on, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek,, More,,, Fox Business, Crains, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro newspapers, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Men’s Health, New York Magazine, Web MD, Everyday Health, Complete Woman magazines, the Huffington Post and the NY Times. She has a psychotherapy practice in Manhattan and does dating coaching by phone. Learn more at
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