The Battle of the Sexes is on, and Mark Miller makes his case for why women have already won.
In the wonderful world of dating, there are those women who feel that men have it easy and women get the short end of the stick. Then there are those men who feel that romance is a woman’s world and that men get el shafto grando (Okay, so Spanish wasn’t my best subject in school).
Count me among the grando shafto guys. Why? Because it’s all about the woman. Because we’re gentlemen. Because we like to be polite. Because we do nice things to butter you up. Oops, I wasn’t supposed to say that. Well, I guess the cat’s out of the bag now. When our overtures fail, we’re the ones who crawl back to our corners, beaten and rejected, licking our wounds.
It doesn’t take an Einstein to realize that women hold the keys to the romance kingdom. Right from the start, the burden for being proactive falls on us guys. 99% of the time, we must make the first move, figure out the right things to say, the right time to say them, and the right way to say them. Plus, we bear the full risk of failure. All women need to do is say “yes” or “no.” What a burden, the power to choose! When our overtures fail, we’re the ones who crawl back to our corners, beaten and rejected, licking our wounds.
Once the dating has progressed, women are the only gender to know whether an evening will “get physical” or not. Men hope it will, boast to their buddies it will, and use all their powers of persuasion to convince the woman it will – but in the end, it’s her decision. Now, that’s power.
Shall we talk economics? I can sum it up in three words: the guy pays—the flowers, the restaurant, the movie tickets, the gifts, and the parking. Oh, sure, there are women who pay. In fact, I believe there are approximately eleven of them in the known universe. But generally, men are the ones who take the financial hit. Is that fair? No. Is that expected? Yes. Will women think less of a man and share tales of his cheapness with their girlfriends if he even hesitates to pick up the whole tab? You bet. Once again, advantage: women.
And somehow, the whole Victorian mindset about women being delicate flowers who should be protected from any physical exertion has continued into the 21st Century. A man opens a woman’s car door, restaurant door, and nightclub door so she need never even touch a handle. Why? If you find out, please let me know. Perhaps it should be the other way around, with the woman opening doors for the man while he reaches into his wallet to (once again) tip the parking attendant. Alas, no. In fact, women often take advantage of their “delicate” nature vs. our “great big manly strength” to request that we take out the garbage, get heavy boxes down from the attic, or lift the back end of the car so you can free the bicycle messenger you just ran over. And we do it all, unquestioningly. Because, at the end of the day, we are completely under your spell. Shall we talk economics? I can sum it up in three words: the guy pays.
Did I mention that women generally outlive men, can charm their way out of traffic tickets, are constantly being offered seats on the bus, free perfume samples in department stores, and free admission to various nightspots?
No wonder some men have sex-change operations – they want in on the good life.
But he says he’d trade all his success away in a second for immortality and limitless wealth. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Good article. Men need to understand the role reversal taking place and make solid changes in their lives.
100% of relationships end. Each of them ends in either breakup or divorce. There is no fairytale. I didn’t accept this or understand this to start out with in life, but I know it now as one of life’s absolutes. I think of all of my relationships first and foremost as temporary, interchangeable and optional. Have fun while it lasts and know for certain that, no matter what, it will eventually end. It’s perfectly fine to want people in your life to enjoy life with, but never ever allow yourself to need them in your life. Once you pass from want into need with anyone, you are likely setting yourself up for significant future pain.
There is no greater mistake you can make in life than to become reliant on or needy of others. If any relationship you have today can’t end tomorrow without bringing significant hardship or pain to your life, then you need to start distancing yourself from that relationship. This attitude really goes for all aspects of your life. You shouldn’t ever be needy for anything you currently have, except maybe your health, education, life savings and at least six months cash on hand for emergencies. Also, you should always have a backup plan in the event of a major life crisis. Invest in yourself, your health, your education and your future heavily.
Be as independent and self-reliant as you can be. Hope for the best but plan for the worst. Ignoring these realities is probably a major reason why so many become addicts, end up emotionally damaged, end up on antidepressants, end up on welfare or homeless, and why psychologists and therapist are so highly paid and in constant demand.
Realizing all the above didn’t happen overnight for me, but after it finally sunk in, it sure did make me a more balanced person. Also, carefully analyze things you see and hear in the media, in commercials, in music, in TV shows, in movies and everything you read. Ask yourself, “Was there an alternate motivation or a hidden agenda behind what I just saw or read?” Most importantly, realize much of what you see, read or hear is social programming and sometimes downright shaming.
My final point: Wake up to the new reality guys. Women are now men. Stop playing white night and look after yourself first and foremost. Women are now your competitors and adversaries. Don’t get sucked in by the fairer sex. Your good deed won’t go unpunished.
About me: Single, well educated, professional, homeowner, great career, tons of money, childfree, wife free, and a very happy bachelor. Modern women have freed me from what so many men have had to suffer through in the past.
I’m glad you’re finally stepping up ladies. Have at it! Personally, I’m grateful for the life lessons the modern woman has taught me.