Dear JDate,

Jen was on JDate for over a year and was living in Washington D.C. She was relentlessly active on the site, emailing, dating, etc., but she wasn’t finding any good matches. We each did one thing differently and it brought us together.

On a whim, she looked at the prospects in Detroit (her hometown) to see if any old friends were there. She didn’t see any old friends, but she saw my picture and sent the first email. I think she subconsciously realized that her future vision of her married self was back in her hometown, near her family, so she wasn’t hesitant to contact me and pursue a relationship.

I was on JDate for about two weeks without a picture and was getting strange and intriguing emails from a woman in Las Vegas (who claimed to be from Detroit ). As soon as I sent her a picture I never heard from her again. So I borrowed a friend’s digi-cam, took some self-portraits and posted them the next day. Within two or three weeks, Jen responded.

Tips for other JDaters:
We both strongly recommend that people honestly describe themselves and post up-to-date pictures, no matter how painful and excruciating this self disclosure may be. We both had numerous negative JDate experiences because people were disingenuous in their profiles.

Have at least two friends or family members read your profile and look at your pictures every three months. If there is not a strong consensus that it accurately portrays you as you currently are, then you need to be honest with yourself and rework your profile until it does. This can take months and involve numerous revisions, but it must be done. You will never attract a meaningful, long-term mate online any other way.

Use fewer words and say more. Write short, brief, direct essay answers. The profile is a one-way conversation and since you do not know who is reading it, the idea is to attract as many suitable matches as possible. The best way to do this is to compose carefully and hook people.

Do not over-analyze the multiple-choice answers when looking for matches. They may have been answered in the profile’s early days and may not accurately reflect the real person.

Read a lot of profiles, all the time. That way you will be savvy at sorting through the opportunities quickly. Also, do not be afraid to look at the profiles of your competition to see how you present yourself compared to them.

Jennifer & Mitchell
Royal Oak, Michigan