Where would we be without JDate? Forced to meet people in normal everyday situations. Yeah, like that’s gonna happen. Speaking of abnormal situations, available women by the thousands, listen up! What are you doing right now? I know it’s kind of sudden, but this being a brand spanking New Year, I was wondering if you’d like to have coffee sometime. Like this second. Go ahead, pour yourself a cup of coffee. Okay, to appreciably up my odds of connecting with at least one of you out there, I’m about to turn this into an interactive virtual mass date.

Hi… I’m Andy… What’s your name? … Say your name … Nice name …

If your name is Andi, I’ll wait for you to chuckle. If you’re Andi, and you’re not chuckling, note to self: Might not share sense of humor wavelength.

Re: your name … Be sure to thank your parents for me.

If you say, “Will do,” we’re moving on. If you say, “I don’t speak to my parents”… We have a lot in common. I don’t speak to your parents either.

If you chuckle, note to self: She may have parent issues, but she seems nice.

If you gave me a rim shot, note to self: Anything sounds moronic with a rim shot. E=MC2 sounds moronic with a rim shot.

Where are you from? … Say town … I always wanted to visit there …

If you said Buffalo or Pacoima, I’ll wait for you to stop chuckling at my ironic retort. If you’re not chuckling, see sense of humor caveat.

So, what do you do? …

If you’re a doctor, lawyer, or teacher … That must be very rewarding.

If you work at a supermarket checkout aisle … Does counting to ten at the ten items or less counter make you less angry? Not that you sound angry. It was just a joke.

The restroom? Well, you know where your own restroom is. I’ll see you when you get back.

Part 2 on Thursday.